Life as I see it...thru Amanda's eyes.

Right now...Amanda's eyes are closed.
Come back later.

Awake I am,
at this hour.
I need sleep,
tomorrow's horror.

Work needs me,
lazy to go.
Grand dad's b-day tomorrow,
I'll be a no-show.

Mom's fault,
that's what it is.
She forgot to tell me,
a promise to work I gave already.

It's also kinda my fault,
for forgetting.
I need to jot this down,
if not next year will be repeating.

Sleep now,
oh sleep.
Work tomorrow,
what sorrow.

Night!

-Amanda

Wow... I've just been so over-whelmed by "The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc". It's such a powerful film. It makes me think about MY faith in God. It's so well-written, so well-script, so well-directed, so well-played, so amazing. It's complicating but understandable after the film ends. It's complexity makes you so eager to pay more attention to the movie. I don't really like many of these epic movies. The ones I DID like however, were, "The 13th Warrior", "The Patriot", and now "The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc". If you liked the first two, you MUST watch 'Joan of Arc'. Hats-off to the lead, Milla Jovovich. She played Joan very convincingly and she's damn pretty mann... Duh! Model??? And her expressions were so real. I'm just at awe with the movie now. Anyway, I think AXN will re-run it again, so go check it out.

Click on the image above to get a closer look at the BAYBEATS flyer!!! YeaaH!!! Baybeats is coming... Btw, for your info, this year's schedule will NOT be printed on the pamphlets unlike last year. So the only way of knowing when your favourite local bands are playing is to look for the posters all around the Esplanade. Also, the line up is set and PP will be playing on the 19th which is a Saturday. That's 19th July 2003. I am currently not allowed to reveal anymore info for now. But check back for more in later dates.

The dark is shadowing upon me.
No one understands.
Time is standing still.
No one reprimands.

What is that?
A light that's so bright.
It's so beautiful, it is light.
What is this?
I am moving towards it.
It attracts me with its hypnotising lit.

In the vast open space,
I only see distance.
No one to be found,
not at this instance.

I am still,
very still.
I feel so light,
oh-so light.

Where am I?
In this oblivion.
When am I?
Time in it's million.

I'm not through yet.
Give me back,
to the world unknown of my presence.
Am I still on earth or in heaven?

-Amanda

School's starting on 7th July. Crap... But seriously, I think it's better for me to school 'coz I've been spending so much money on clubbing and chilling and shopping. This has got to stop. I'm so broke right now. My personal bank account has only $10 in it left. I need to top up $50 for my 'Save-As-You-Earn' account too. So this week's allowance is going into that. Damn...no money till next week. That's when I'll get my work money as well as my weekly allowance. Yay, then I can shop before school re-opens. Have loads to do mann. See ya peeps!

Sigh...I've decided to let you guys in on something. At Sentosa the other day, I noticed a guy staring at my friend and I. At who exactly, I do not know. Actually we both noticed him staring at us, and he was literally staring...really! He's cute, so we didn't really mind. But, my friend got bothered quite a bit after awhile. When we were in the water, he and his group of friends were there already. My friend and I were quite a distance from them, but one time, they got right next to us, all the guys in a circle. They whispered some thing, which I ignored 'coz I mean, hey! it's a free country. Then they started splashing at us! Maybe to get our attention I don't know... One of them apologised, but I didn't see who, then another added, "Purposely one!". I thought it was cute... But if it had been some other people, I think I would have asked them to piss off. Haha... But like I said, the one who had been staring at us was cute and had a damn nice bod, so I didn't mind. He kinda looked like one of my classmates though, but nah couldn't have been him 'coz he would've at least said hi. I was kinda disappointed at the end of the day, 'coz that guy never did said hi or anything. So yea, sad.

I had a dream that night, about him too! I saw myself on my comp, stumbling onto HIS blog. Weird, don't know how I got there too! Forgot. Anyway, I scrolled down and saw this entry dated 22nd June 2003, saying "I saw this GORGEOUS girl at the beach today!!!!!!" etc... Then I told my friend about it, saying that I don't know who he was referring to, 'coz it could have well been her, 'coz she's a babe! Then I saw myself in a club. Zouk, I think. While dancing with friends, I see this guy spotting me. It turned out to be him and he smiles at me. Then he comes up to me, reminds me that he saw me at the beach, then introduces himself. We hit it off, then I forgot the rest of the dream already. Damn... But, that totally made my day the next day. Haha... Like some fairy tale...sigh... Anyway, I hope I see him again soon. Really hope so...

The pain is finally gone...well kinda. Wonder when my skin will start to peel...

Anywayz, I wrote a song last night, just before I was going to do the dishes. I wrote 3/4 of the song, then I realised I didn't like the lyrics, so i re-wrote 1/2 of it. 1/2 of the 3/4. Then realised I didn't like it again, so I just stuck to my first verse. And now I need help. Damn, it's so annoying. I usually can get the words out, but this time I got the tune first. Weird... Anywayz, when I'm happy with it, I'll let you guys hear it or something. Rright...

There's this local band called "Cheap Thrill" and whoa, the lead vocalist sounds damn Finch-like. He sounded so super similar to the frontman of Finch. Seriously, a chinese guy doing Finch songs and sounding like Finch, is amazing. But of course there is a downside. Though "Cheap Thrill" has a great lead vocalist, the rest of the band needs to do better. The band doesn't do the vocalist justice, and that's sad. Another thing, all "Cheap Thrill" can do are Finch songs, which is, again, sad. They should explore more around the genre. Their originals sound very Finch-like as well. One might even think that they cut and paste tunes from Finch's album and put in their own lyrics. But seriously, "Cheap Thrill" is a local band worth checking out. Their first performance was at Suntec City Musical Fountain on the 21st of June, and it rocked. Never have I heard such a good local redition of Finch. Bravo.

On another note, one of the bands who played that day, played a Good Charlotte song. I was so pumped up about it, until I heard them play. My gawd, they completely ruined the song. I was even tearing 'coz it was THAT bad!!! Serious! This proves that even though you have a band, doesn't mean you make good music.

Btw, I was finally able to get a hold of a GC girl tee. It's damn nice, but I don't know if I'd ever wear it out. It's just too precious. It's like the GC patch I got earlier this year. A good friend gave it to me and it's been in my drawer ever since. I do take it out once in a while to marvel over it, but I still don't know where to put it. It's too precious to experiment with it. Gawd, now I want a GC sticker to paste on my laptop. Oh yea, if any of you have nice stickers, pass them to me will ya? I wanna re-deco my laptop top. I want to personalise it more. So yeap, you know where to get me. Thanks and Ciao!

Dearest Dudes and Dudettes,
Sunburn is no good. I repeat, sunburn is no good. That's what I get for staying in the sun, at Siloso Beach, in Sentosa, for 4 hours. Oww... Now my nose is pink, yes pink! And my upper back, neck and shoulder area is glowing red. Getting home was a troublesome deal, 'coz my bag straps were rubbing against my skin. That's what's called a skin burn. *groan* Not a good thing.

It was hot, hot, HOT today. Did I mention hot? ... And I'm thinking of going down again next week. Am I mad?? Apparently!!! I'm broke so I guess I'd either stay home, or go to Sentosa, have fun, and not pay THAT much as supposed to going town. Hmm...make any sense??

Actually, I really don't like the sea too much. There's so much driftwood, seaweed, shells, barnacles, and shit. Yes, you read right. Shit. My friend and I saw this piece of shit floating in the water. Absolutely disgusting!!! Eeee...

Haha, anyway, next post is about the local music scene, so read it at your own risk. Adios!

I've been writing alot of dark poems lately. Mainly about my past, and my soul. It's quite dark, in the sad kinda way. Anyway, if you guys ever wanna read them, you can ask me for them. I don't want to post too many of my poems on my blogger 'coz it's hard to control copyright and all. Btw, if you guys have taken some of my poems and posted them on your own bloggers or websites, please ask for my permission, even if it's just a few lines. I don't want just anyone to read my work. Thanks a bunch.

When not in the dark, I wish I was.
When not in the light, I step back be'coz,
the light is blinding, that I cannot see,
reality itself and all it's memory.

Away I am, most of the time,
emotionally and physically,
I'm only here to rhyme.
Words in my head just blurts out.
It's like a comic strip,
where my thoughts are in clouds.

My mind's just wandering,
but it sometimes gets caught.
By the superficial world that we live in,
complain about it I am willing.

-Amanda

Replies:

Nicole: Hey Nic, how's it going in the USA? Whatcha doing online when you're thousand of miles away??? And when are you getting back? Call me when you get back kay?

Zelia: Zelia Lim... Met Deborah and Celeste at Embassy the other night, and heard you called Celeste up? Why didn't I get a call too??? Hmm??? Must my pet die too, to get a call from you??? Haiz... Okay, I'll go kill my dad's luo han now. ... ... Or maybe one of the guppies, we'll see...

*Note to all: I did not kill any fishes or other pets for that matter. It's just an expression. I'm not cruel to animals...or fish.

Just read this zodiac email thingy my friend had sent to me. Quite true I think...you judge it for yourself. If you know me well, you know this is true. Btw, I shortened the text a little bit 'coz it's too long, but don't worry, nothing is left out of context. My own comments are in the brackets.

Sagittarius Personality:
Bold, dashing and spirited. It's a bit difficult to keep pace with you - whether it is in your movements or in your speech. You like to be free as the wind that blows, quite uncaring of the effect you may have on your surroundings. You could not care less and hate being in an atmosphere that is physically or emotionally claustrophobic. Somewhat lacking in tact, your foot-in-the-mouth syndrome could do with a little thought. Nevertheless, you are honest but more than a little tactless. (Very true!)Sagittarians are ambitious - always aiming higher than the goal they initially set for themselves. You love challenges and are too full of energy to sit still. Although you see yourself more as a sportsperson than an intellectual, you secretly enjoy reading, writing, and exploring subjects unknown to you. You are a good learner and would do extremely well as an academician. You are quite popular, albeit a bit unconventional and are loyal to your friends. Many of you enjoy the patronage of influential people but unfortunately; you will also have your share of enemies who mean serious harm. You are often driven by excitement and can be a bit ungainly when in this state; sweeping gestures tend to send things flying. You are sometimes insecure and edgy. You tend to doubt your decisions and judgement. The advice is - trust your instinct.

Sagittarius Teens:
This is a young woman you can always count on, and most of the times, she is fun to be with. The Sagittarius girl never lacks company; she is bubbling with energy and ready to explore any thing. She certainly has the gift of the gab but her tendency to blurt out whatever's on her mind can land her in a mess. People around won't understand that she is simply being honest. If she finds something interesting she will simply go for it. She is not the kind to spend long hours in front of the mirror and happily shares her wardrobe with other girls. The young Sagittarius will excel at school (Yea right...) and is likely to travel to another country for higher studies.

Went to Zouk for Mambo night on Wednesday. Sucks... They play top 40 songs and oldies. Though it sucked, it was pretty packed. My friend and I wound up dancing abit here and there, wherever and whenever we could, but we did more drinking than dancing. 1 Blue Lagoon, 3 Tequilla shots, 1 jug of gawd-knows-what, 1 rainbow, and 1 more Tequilla shot. I was high, I mean duh! But, I could control myself, I did lose my balance once in a while, but that was coz I was trying to support my friend who wasn't stable as well. We had loads of fun though, mostly coz of the drinking. I apologise to the guy who I knocked into, like I said, I was trying to prevent my friend from falling, which ironically I ended up doing. And thanks for helping me regain my balance. I want to say something else but I'm afraid that one of the three I'm referring to might read this, so I'll skip that. The night or morning in fact, ended with me and 2 other friends sitting on a curb, chilling, hanging and talking for at least an hour or two. It was a great end to a good evening. Btw, I think I killed my liver!

After 2 hours of sleep, my friend who stayed over at my house, needed to get up for work. So at 7:30am, I was up as well. My darn air-con was leaking so I thought I'd wait till the air-con guy arrives to fix it, thus I remained awake. Btw, at that hour, there are never any good tv shows, so don't bother getting up that early to watch anything. Anyway, I had promised my lil' sis that I'd bring her to watch "Finding Nemo" (of all the days to pick). So at 11am we left for Jurong Point to catch the 12:15pm show. After a gruelling 2 hours, (the show was gd btw), the show had finally ended and we could go home. But, I had to stop by my school to drop some form off, so I stopped by my school whilst my sis went home. FINALLY!, when I reached home, I changed and plopped on the bed and slept till 1am. Getting up of course, to eat. Now 5:12am in the morning, I'm typing this when I know I should be getting to sleep coz of work tomorrow. 10:30am, is the time I have to be at work. And 8:30am, is the time I have to wake up. Crap... Need to sign off now. *yawn* Night ^* Morning!

China Black is not bad. Place is nice, drinks are alright and music rocked!!! Duh, R&B. It was mad on Monday, ACJC party. Packed like sardines mann... Dancing wasn't easy when people are bumping you at every direction. I did see alot of familiar faces though, some haven't seen in some time, some close friends. All good. Kinda enjoyed myself, just wished it wasn't THAT packed. There's actually another party tonight, but didn't feel like going 'coz tomorrow I'm going to Zouk already. 3 nights in a row would be too much, physically exhausting and financially draining. Plus, there are always other parties coming up. Especially now that it's June, holidays mann!!! Kk, need sleep now. Aure voir!

Current listen: NFG

Mest's new album is coming out on 10th June 2003, so look out for it.

On another note, Baybeats 2003 is coming up too. Held on 18th - 20th July at The Esplanade.
More details soon.

Dum dee dum dee dum...

Today Potential Problem played at Cinileisure Orchard. The crowd was more supportive than I had expected. I guess there ARE people out there who DO like pop-punk. But yea, the turn out was good. Performance wise, not their best.

Best played: Glimmer
Worst played: Hit or Miss
Sorry guys, but I'm just telling it as it is.

Btw, watched "Phone Booth" today. Really good show. Good story, good cinematography, good directing, good everything. Plus, Colin Farrel, what else can I say??? Haha... Anywayz, I would say it'll have better ratings in my book than "Bruce Almighty". "Phone Booth" is the kinda of movie that you'd never want to keep your eyes off the screen at any time. It's THAT good. "Bruce Almighty"...ehh... Funny but not as funny as it could be. Good concept on both movies though. Watch them and judge them for yourself.

Ciaoz!

I'm FINALLY going to put up links to my friends' blogs. I was lazy before, but now I'm bored so I'm getting to it. If you want me to link you up, let me know. I've messaged some of you about this matter, either through your bloggers itself or icq. So let me know asap if you'd allow it. Just wanted to ask in case you DO want your privacy. Ohh, and if some of you DO have bloggers and I don't know about it, and you want to get in with this, let me know too! So yeap, see ya guys...

Am I growing weaker?
Or is it all in my head?
I can't seem to keep my eyes open,
I need to get to bed.

I get so tired so easily,
what did I do?
I didn't do much today,
just a movie at two.

I hung out after that,
with a classmate of mine.
We didn't stay too long,
we didn't have time.

Prior engagements were to fill her time,
while I headed home,
just before five.
A call came for me from another friend.
"Mahjong today?",
I wanted to tell her that I can't.

Too tired I felt,
I told her I'd call her back.
When I reached home,
I hitted the sack.

Fell asleep and woke up just in time,
for dinner that I had to warm up,
the place was set to dine.
Ate my dinner, I did,
then excused myself and a goodbye I bid.

At the bus stop I wait,
10 mins had past.
Where was that frickkin bus,
waiting was a grouling task.

At my friend's house,
we played till ten.
Then we made our way home,
in a cab that was like a tin can.

Across the road I had alighted,
and I waved goodbye.
I slowly made my way up the steps,
to what seemed eternity to arrive.

Finally at home,
I fell right to sleep.
In my dreams I see myself,
asleep, oh, asleep.

-Amanda

I walked into the room, so bright,
saw something on the floor that gave me a fright.
It was just dust floating on the ground,
I hate that my room's this dirty, that I frown.

The world's such a mess,
that I confess,
I did my fare share.
Nobody's perfect,
I admit it,
but the challange to take, do I dare?

I hate people who hate me,
but I love them too.
I don't know what's wrong me,
what else can I do?

It's no use hating someone,
when they don't even realise it.
So I guess that's why I keep it to myself,
but sometimes let it out in a fit.

To this day, I believed I've changed,
but little at a time.
Not fully recovered from my past,
I sometimes have to lie.

To myself I lie, about the change in me.
To myself I know, the change will be...slowly.

-Amanda

A shout out to Zelia Lim. Woman, go online soon will ya??? Lots to talk about...

Never EVER go to a NUS party...
Gawd, it's like the worst party ever.

There were a few familiar faces, but the usual party goers whom I don't know personally, weren't there. But yea, people I knew, were there. Thank gawd they were there, if not I'd leave that so-called "party" as soon as I reached there. The party sucked. Music was House, yawn. But I got to meet a few new people coz of my other friends. Oh, and I met an OI friend whom I haven't seen in months! Evelyn...nice girl. Oh, and I also met an ex-church friend whom I haven't seen in 3 years??!!! Serious, coz I stopped going to church so I kinda lost touch with everyone. But yea, saw him that day and we hung out, chilled, danced and drank. It was good fun. After all that "partying", he joined my 2 other friends and I for roti prata at River Valley. The roti prata's good btw. And yea, we said our goodbyes and went our seperate ways to destination home. Not that exciting you may think, but that night was alright. Was bad at first but ended off well. Kk, FRIENDS starting soon. I'll try to keep my updates regular. Adios!