I went out with my mom and lil sis yesterday afternoon. We went shopping for new clothes, 'coz we so needed them. My wardobe is limited man. I hate wearing the same thing every week to school. Bor-ring. So yeap, we went to Centrepoint 'coz Robinsons was having a sale on children's wear. And though it was fun at first, to find new clothes for my lil sis and to dress her up, it got tiring afterawhile. So, I decided to do my own shopping. Lo and behold, there it was...MANGO on the 2nd floor. I skipped all other stores and went straight to the mother-load. Their new arrivals wow-ed me at first, 'coz duh! 'NEW ARRIVALS'. Anxious and excited to see what suited me, I scanned through the whole store, picked up a few pieces and tried them on. The ones I liked, I put aside at the counter while I browsed through the rest of the unbrowsed racks. I was damn happy, haha, new clothes!!! Then anywayz, my mom, after her shopping with my sis, headed to MANGO to see what I picked out. She made me try all of them again, which I didn't mind 'coz I really wanted to convince her to buy this stuff. So yeap, in the end she bought me 3 items. Spent like $114. Whoa... 2 tops and 1 skirt for that price is really cha-ching, I know. But hey! I really liked them and it suited me. I can't wait to wear the new skirt. It's damn nice. But I hafta wait till my knee scab falls out 'coz it'll totally spoil the whole look don't you think??? Haha, anywayz, I'm damn happy I have new clothes. I mean, who wouldn't yea?

Later that evening, I went to check out Potential Problem at the World Cyber Games event. Their set lasted for 20 mins and they played 2 or 3 new songs and the ever so popular "Hey There". Afterwhich, No Direction took over then MarchTwelve. MarchTwelve's lead vox is a female, and boy can she sing. She has that Malay singing technique with a mix of alternative punk that makes her hardcore. Seriously, you guys should check this band out. Later on that night, LunchBox performed as well, but I wasn't there to catch it, so no scoop on that. Oh yea, an update on 'GEEK CLOTHING'. Met the founder last night at the WCG and he said his "Top-secret" file was safe at home, so he'll show me some day soon.

Tomorrow's my first Common Test paper, so I'd better revise. Ciao!

I hate it when I think too much 'coz I tend to over think things and over analyzing stuff, and I get side-tracked. ... ... ... Kinda like now.

The whole complication of Love is wheezing in and out of my mind. I do not understand the whole concept to it. I'm even afraid I'd die without even being able to experience it. I'm 18 and I've still not found anything CLOSE to love. Love to the opposite sex and no blood relations kinda love. Is it too soon for me to fall IN love? Or am I already too late? I know different people have different timings and everything's already written out in God's book of future-to-be, but when do I know when's my turn? I know that I'd know when I'm in love, but I want to know when that'll be. I'm tired of waiting for the right person to come along, and how would I know if he's the one? Consider that I don't have that much experience choosing guys right for me. God knows I don't. Then why does he leave me with this huge decision to make on my own??? What if I choose the wrong person? Yes, I know divorce is possible but if I was to get married, I want to do it right the first time. But marriage and love are two different things. I'm talking about love here. When will I fall in love?

Please take into consideration that while I'm typing all this down, I'm eating my Maggie Mee. Not that it matters. Just wanted you all to know.

I've passed up on guys willing to love me. Heck! I might have even liked them a little. But that was to the fact that they were nice to me, and kind, and sweet - 'coz they WERE wooing me. Duh! No average jo would intentionally try to put his pursuit off. It's natural to put on this "show". But that's the problem. Girls, like myself, get confused with our feelings. Do we like this guy 'coz he's nice? Or do we really like him? Some take the chance and go for it. For me, if I don't think it seems right, I'd stop the pursuit asap. Thing is, I do that when I think it's not right...for me. Not that there's anything in particularly wrong with the pursuer, it just doesn't feel right to me to lead him on when I know nothing would happen. When I know, I WON'T let anything more happen. And I stop the pursuit immediately so as to not cut deeper into the wound. When someone likes me, how do I stop him from liking me? My one and only solution - stop talking to that person, no contact whatsoever, and ignorance is truly bliss. If you think ignorance is bliss for me...you're wrong. I'm doing it for you. For you to take some time and recover, to heal your heart of the break I've caused. Truly sorry to all the guy's hearts I've broken. It's really better this way. Believe me. I've gone through this many times. One thing to keep in mind though - When you're really over me, I don't mind being friends. I WANT to be friends. IF you'd have me as a friend. I'm always here, handphone by my side, waiting for your call. Or a simple 'hi' while we pass each other in school would be just as great. I only have one person in mind while typing all this down (not inclusive of the first and second paragraph). It's just irritating when I see him in school, while we walk past each other, recognising yet ignoring one another. It's just old. I know you talk behind my back, and god knows you hated me alot at one point of time. But can't we just be friends? I WANT to be friends, I kinda miss talking to you. Don't go all ego on me and think I want you back. I want my friend back. The guy whom I shared thoughts and dreams, and music tastes with. You know who you are. Don't ignore this.

Whoa... I've just read that Madonna kissed Britney Spears at the 2003 VMAs. Afterwhich Madonna kissed Christina Aguilera. WHOA!!! I can't wait to see the footage mann... I'm downloading the video as I'm typing this.

Okay, I've seen the footage. Haiz...no biggie la. Shocking at first, but it's not like they frenched, just a normal kiss. But haha, you should see Justin Timberlake's expression when Madonna kissed Britney, odd??? Haha...

Oh well...

"Walk Away"
I was naïve, your love was like candy
Artificially sweet, I was deceived by the wrapping
Got caught in your web and I learned how to bleed
I was prey in your bed and devoured completely

I love these lyrics. Simple yet poetic. I liked the way she played around with the candy concept. Smart.

"Loving me 4 me"
"I'm Ok"

Download all these songs by Christina Aguilera. It really tells you alot about her. Her love life, and her childhood. Very touching... "I'm Ok" especially, sad song. But seriously, her WHOLE album is damn good. I listen to it at least once every fortnight. Worth every penny.

I can't fucking believe I knowingly walked into the men's toilet just now. Okay, maybe I was a little high, and was just up for some fun, but I think that was going abit too far. One of my friends dared me to go into the guys' toilet, so I DID!!! And when I walked in, there were a few more than I had expected, number of men in there! One was using the urinal, and he turned around and looked at me with this "omg" look in his face. Haha, priceless!!! I mean, ALL 4 guys that were in the common area of the loo were staring right at me, but I acted like nothing was wrong and just laughed it off. I was embarrassed but I just stood at the door facing outside talking to the laughing idiot I call my friend. I CAN'T BELIEVE I DID THAT!!! Mann, I feel embarrassed for myself AND the guy at the urinal. Oops... But yea, I hope all of them were equally high, or at least hoping that they won't be able to recognise me from the streets next time we see each other. Gawd knows I won't!!!

Yay! I've finished studying ONE module. Hey! Better than nothing yea?

Btw, this Saturday, 30th August 2003, Potential Problem will be performing at the World Cyber Games Event. Their gig will be at 6pm, just outside of Takashimaya. There'll be a BIG tent so it can't be hard to spot. So go support them...

Sigh, it's sad to hear that GC is touring with Something Corporate now... It's like they've been touring with all the BIG names like Blink182, Mest, Simple Plan, New Found Glory and now, Something Corporate. And I've been missing all of them. If all those tours had come to Singapore, I would've gone for each and every one of them. Anything with GC will be a must-go for me... Damnit... I feel so excluded being here in Singapore, not being able to go to all these concerts I long to go to. It's just sad to think of this sometimes...just sad...

Ohhh...

A new line of clothing will be popping up in the local scene VERY soon. Okay, it's not some fancy wear that will cost a whole lot of cash to get. The price hasn't been settled yet either, but don't worry, it's affordable. It's punk tees that even all those chinese pop fans will wanna wear, gawd forbid.

I'm not sure if I'm allowed to mention this, but what-the-hey, it's a form of publicity ayz? 'Geek Clothing' is what it's called, and I've seen a prototype. It's plain and simple, like a normal punk rock tee, but it's damn nice. The basic design is like this - "GEEK CLOTHING" on the front, star on the lower left/right side, and 2 more stars in a secret place only owners of these tees will know where they're located. That's just one of the many designs to come. So I'll keep this brief and will keep YOU guys updated on the low-down on the making of this new brand. It's gonna rock mann...

Wow, I've even got a reader from Iceland. Totally cool... Hiya!!! Sorry, I don't speak Icelandic, but yeap, hi! and have a great day!

Okay, I'm supposed to be studying, but I've not even reached the bare minimum. I've been so distracted with going out, chilling and hanging with friends and clubbing. I sooo wanna go out to enjoy my break, but IT IS a "Study Break", so thus, I SHOULD study. Damn it...

I just came back from Kallang. My friends and I went there expecting to see the moon and mars, but didn't get the chance to. We looked all around and no moon or mars insight. Wasted. So we ended up drinking and chilling, and playing 5-10. Damn, I drank waaay too much beer. 1 and 1/2 mugs of beer is no good. I feel like puking now, it makes me feel so...ugh... I really hate beer, but hey! we wanted to drink SOMETHING...

So anywayz, a friend of mine set my head straight about studying. I forgot what she said exactly, but I wanna thank her for that. DIANA...thanks. I'm going to turn in now, and wake up early tomorrow to get a head-start on studying. I'm going to devote my whole day to studying tomorrow. See how much I can accomplish. Till next time, auf wiedersehen!

To make me truly happy is to get Good Charlotte to come down to Singapore to perform, and for me to get backstage passes to meet them and hang with them for a whole day. And of course, have a punk rocking good time!!! HA! I wish...

Damn it...

I'm broke...AGAIN!!! I'm always fucking broke and I hate being fucking broke. What the hell??? Just the other day I had 60 bucks in my wallet. Now, 3 dollars exactly. What did I spend on??? Okay, let's see. I worked on Saturday, and I spent $4.80 for lunch. After work, I went over to a friend's house via cab. That was $3.20. Then the next time I spent was the next morning when we were having breakfast as Macs. There I spent $11 plus, paying for my friend's breakfast and mine ('coz I owed her money). Then afterwards I passed a friend $27 to pass to my OTHER friend who I owed that amount. Hey! We went drinking the other time and I hadn't paid my share. I'm not some borrowing junkie okay... Okay, then, afterwards, we went to watch a movie, which I paid like a few bucks 'coz the rest chipped in for me - thanks guys! Then after the movie, I shared a cab with a friend, but he paid for the fare. Then I met up with my study partner at Starbucks, but I didn't buy a thing in there 'coz, budget. So then I went to buy food at BreadTalk, spent $2.20 and 90 cents at Old Chang Kee. Hmm...then I went to buy batteries 'coz I ran my disc-man died and I can't study w/o music. So that was $2.80. *counting in my head* ... ... Plus minus this and that...erm..yea...that's about right. Damn, I hate it when everything adds up. That means, I DID spend all that money. And all in 2 days!! Fuck! Okay, I need to save mann... I'm turning into a spendaholic. Crap, no good... And the more I borrow, the more I needa return the next time I DO get money, and then I'm back to square one. Damn... Working is no use too! I end up spending in the first week I get my pay. I soooo needa save...

Btw, I didn't even study that day! Neither did I today... So 2 days in a row, with no studying done. Wow, so not helping my studies. Weird thing is that last week I was at it the whole time. It's always like this, when exams draw near, my study edge is gone. Damn, and when I need it the most. I need to get my head in gear and focus. Focus, focus, focus...

Now I'm tired, with no work done, no studying done, and quite bored... Might as well sleep...

To the "disser" on my tagboard. Gawd, apparently you don't know that my friends look out for me through thick and thin. Stop your fucking nonsense la huh... It's getting old and boring. And I know who you are. You're the only person who has a grudge against me, and it's obvious that you STILL have that grudge. Let it go already...

Worst analogies ever written in a high school essay:

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie,surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man."

The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.

-Taken by an email I received

I scrapped my knee... Ouch! I washed it like a million times, afraid it might infected. Crap ya know! I haven't gotten a wound in like a year plus??? And I liked it that way, thank you very much. Damn, I stopped cycling and roller blading so that I'd reduce the number future scars, but nooo... Even netball can hurt me. Damn... Seriously, it was MY fault. I was trying to intercept the ball so I ran for it. Then 'coz I ran at quite a speed, I couldn't stop in time. I ended up landing with one foot on the ground and the other on the side. Then I slowly toppled onto the other mid-courter. I felt so bad, but hey! I got hurt in the process so I guess I deserved it. *sulk* Now I'm limping 'coz the wound is stiff and I don't want to tear the tissue. Sigh...


I kena-d the WORM virus!!! ARGH!!! When the virus was released last week, I told myself NOT to bring my laptop to school 'coz it's IN the NP server, so I didn't! Then 'coz today I had a PP2 test that requires me to do a program on my laptop, I HAD to bring it school. I thought "Hey! Won't be that sui (unlucky) right?" I was SOOOO wrong. When I was in the library for my one hour break, I thought I might as well do some surfing, so I did! Then, this window pops out saying something like "Norton has detected a virus and has quarantined it, blah blah blah". GAwd, it totally freaked me out!!! I was like "CRAP! I don't wanna format my whole comp! My whole life's in this thing!" So the first thing I did was to call my dad. Then I shut down my comp and went to the MEL Service Centre. Thank gawd, they helped me and got the thing fixed, I think. But now my comp's all safe and virus-free. Yay! The virus really scared the shit outa me. ... ...

Current listen: "Happy Together" by Simple Plan

Hey Nicole...

I guess by now you'd already be in the USA. I so wanted to send you off this morning, but you know me...I'd probably end up being late and would only be able to see you for a minute or so. Still, that minute would have been better than nothing ya? Sorry we couldn't get together before you left, my schedule is hectic, but when you get back, we'll go clubbing ever chance we get kay? Hope you had a good flight, and that nothing went wrong. Remember that if times get hard over there, that you should hang on for a little while longer and see it through. Adjusting to that lifestyle and hectic schedule is something I'm sure you'd get through. You're a strong girl. Plus, you can always bitch about the life there in emails to me, or my tagboard. *SMILEZ* A few more things before I end this. One - EAT the food. USA food is like WOW. The burgers and fries especially. Oh! And the hotdogs from the hotdog stands, a must try!!! You'd better be fat when you get back. Don't go all the way to the USA and eat Chinese food. I mean, yea, once in a while, 'coz they do taste a little different from what we have in Singapore. I mean, duh! But yea, try all their foods, it's an experience you shouldn't miss. Two - SHOP!!! Loads and loads, and bunches and bunches of shopping. I loved using US money. It's just so waaahhh... Haha... THREE - and eat lots of gum!!! Gum is good - it cleans your teeth. But nah, I just love the taste, and you can hardly get them in Singapore. So chew to your hearts content ya?? Hmm, anything else? Oh yes. Over the past year that we've known each other, I'm actually quite surprised on how we got to be such good friends. I would have never expected this to happened when I first met you. But, yea, life does do strange but great things to us. And one of the great things, was having you as a friend. Thanks for everything sweetie. Hope you have a great time there. Take care, love you loads.

Always,
Amanda.

I'm going to break soon...

In the distance I stare,
tugging on my hair.
Talking myself to sleep,
needing much rest indeed.

Time's astill.
I feel,
frustrated and stressed.
I am not my best.

Why now?
Why how?
Why me?
Why not thee?

I cry sometimes,
emotions rise.
Stress builds up,
and I'm out of luck.

I need help,
mentally and emotionally.
I neep help,
physically and spiritually.

Will you answer my prayer?

-Amanda

I'm so screwed. My studies are getting the best of me. Hard as I try, all these hours after school doing extra work and actual studying isn't helping me at all. And the only module I've been convering is EM3A (Math). Plus, it's damn hard. I need a tutor, maybe I'll ask some classmates for help. Someone who actually knows what they're doing, 'coz I bloody well don't.

I had my IS French oral and written test today. I totally screwed up the oral. I was so nervous, I over analyzed everything he said! And I totally screwed up some of my answers. I could totally do it right, but I was too nervous to think straight. DAMN IT!!! I hope he won't minus off too many marks, I really wanna do well in French.

Have you guys seen the new 7-up commercial??? FIDO DIDO IS BACK!!! Haha, I used to love him back in the 80s. I even remember having a T-shirt with him on it. Hey! I was little...

Kk, enuff said. Adios!

Haha, so cute. On my way home, on a bus, in front of me stood a couple and a kid in her daddy's arms. She was so sweet, smiling at another girl - around her age, also on the bus. Then as she was leaving with her parents, she sweetly said bye to the other girl. Awww... Too bad the other girl didn't hear nor see her leave. It just got me thinking. All these people I know now... Is it possible that I might have seen them before in a bus, or a play group or grocery shopping when I was younger? Maybe that's why sometimes I feel as though I've seen then before. *shrugs*

ANYWAY! Today I was quite crushed when I walked into the "Chambers" (This area in the library that my course mates and I usually hang out at), and saw spikey hair guy sitting in the corner seat (where I was sitting at an hour ago), with a girl!!! It's a small seat and they were quite "a-hem" close. Plus, he was smiling...so I guess he was having a good time with her. Damn... I was a little disappointed at first, 'coz it confirmed that he DOES have a girl, but nvm, I can still admire him from afar. Really, he's damn cute, not so surprising that he HAS a girlfriend. Also, I'll still have astro. Speaking of him, I saw him today. I was near the lift lobby and as I turned around to talk to a friend walking behind me, I saw astro looking at me - smiling. He's so dreamy. Haha, but I tried to act as if I didn't notice so I calmly and cooly faced front and never looked back. Damn, was that a wrong move??? I'm such a fucking coward mann... Anywayz, I'll still be able to see him tomorrow. We've got the same class. So far, neither one of us has ever missed one EM3A class. Hmm...

ARGH!!! I so need sleep! I went clubbing on Saturday and hung out at Far East with my peeps till 8-tish? Then got a ride from a friend to get back home. Did I mention that I had to go to work on that Sunday at 12 noon??? Well, I did. So when I reached home, I showered and changed, but fell asleep and ended up being late for work - again. I worked from 12pm - 8:30pm then made my way back home. I didn't sleep much in the bus - wasn't that tired. I guessed my body got used to the lack of sleep by then. So then I reached home, and didn't sleep till 2am-ish. Don't know why, but my body wasn't as tired as I'd thought it would be. But I'm mentally drained. That's why I got so easily irritated today. After walking past this dj booth thing 'NP Heatwave' (NP's radio station) outside of the library, and being damn pissed off 'coz they were all speaking in Chinese in the mic, and playing fucking Chinese songs. Then I don't know what came over me, for the next 10 mins after that, I was someone that should have a block-off zone 10 metres radius around me. It's like the simplest things people around me were doing, I got irritated. I was about to explode! I did, however, snap at a friend though, but after cooling down, I apologised. Hey! That's not me, it's my mind telling me I need rest. And I AM HUMAN!!! I DO get upset once in awhile.

Kk, enough updating for today. Till next time, night!

*foam says:
anyway i almost got raped and killed yesterday... wahahaha
ùRbaNétte says:
WHAT????
foam says:
heres da story....
foam says:
i was at a summer fun fair yesterday.... coz it was packed.... i had nowhere to park....thus i parked illegally infront of a STOP sign..... den guess wad??? my car got towed away...... den....
ùRbaNétte says:
WHAT???????...hahahaha...
ùRbaNétte says:
btw...YOU CAN DRIVE ALREADY?? BIACH..
foam says:
and i have to take a cab down to the place where they put all da towed cars... so yeah.. i went there in a cab...... i didnt know it was located in an ulu ulu place... and i tot the cab driver was gonna rape and kill us... wahaha i mean seriously.. it was so dark...... and deserted.... wahahha u know what did i do???
foam says:
i was putting my fingerprints all over the cab window and seats... wahhaha
ùRbaNétte says:
HAHAHAHA
ùRbaNétte says:
paranoid

*nickname has been changed

Saw astro and spikey hair guy today. I mean, what's new??? But of course I'd see astro today, it's a Friday and I always see him on Tuesdays and Fridays - he's in my class. Anywayz, an unexpected thing happened today. Whilst I was outside of the co-op talking to my friends who were also on their mid-class break, I wasn't quite aware of my surroundings. When I made my way to the co-op, I noticed 2 guys on the 2nd floor looking down, but I didn't pay much attention to them. But when I came out, talked with my friends and was about to leave to get back to class, my curiousity got the best of me and I looked up to see who was on the 2nd level. Turned out to be spikey hair guy!!! ...and someone. When I looked up, he immediately looked away (trying to look cool at the same time). It was kinda obvious that he saw me there, and I was quite reluctant to believe that he actually noticed me, but at the same time I wished he was. He's so damn cute. *BIG SMILE*

Ok tag war is on.

Bloody fucker, who do you think you are saying this on MY blog??? To the people unfamiliar with French, the person who calls him/herself "chinese" on my tagboard had this to say.

Translated to English: "What a shame! Chinese which cannot speak Mandarin. or are to you ashame to speak it?"

Firstly, improve on your English dude. If you wanna translate to French at least get your English right.

Secondly, I'm not ashamed to speak Mandarin. Just that I've got no interest in the language nor do I know how to speak it right. Plus, I CAN speak Mandarin you dick. Just not very fluent in it. I maybe Chinese, but I'm no expert in the language. Basic Mandarin, yes. Expert in Mandarin, no. Btw, I know you're no expert in French, any fool can use the translation tool on google or wherever you went out of the way just to translate that shameful statement you may call a diss. Btw, the translation tool, isn't very accurate.

Va te faire foutre! Trou du cul.

Yay!!! Netball practice's today. So excited!!!
*BIG SMILE*

Pick up a copy of the Straits Times, Wednesday 13th August 2003 edition. Turn to page L2 of Life! and you'll see a picture of Potential Problem at last year's Asian Beats Competition. OMG!!! I'm super excited for them. I think PP will cut that out and frame it up mann... Haha... Fred (PP drummer) smsed me just a few hours ago asking me to flip to Life! and I was super shocked to see a picture of them, IN the newspaper!!! Super awesome news.

Saw spikey hair guy and astro today...sigh. Oh! And I found out, that spikey hair guy might have a girlfriend already. Damn...but nvm, I've also heard that he likes Techno???? Yikes. Good luck with that, spikey hair guy. Anywayz, he's still cute though and I saw him today in the library. Wahaha, so damn cute. Okayz, enough about the locals.

I've been thinking alot about that HOT Caucasian guy at Zouk. Gawd, I SHOULD'VE asked for his name. Haha, but he's just HOT. Not sure if there's more to that, but I guess I'd never know now huh. No problem, I still have my fair share of sights right here in Singapore. Well, kinda, though I think the number of cute guys are depleting. Damn, not good for me.

Okayz, French class is getting tougher each time I attend it. It's getting to be a chore, but still in the likes of liking it, so not too bad...YET. Kk, I Sooo need sleep, only slept for 2 and a half hours last night, so erm, yea, need to catch up on that. Night then!

********************************************

Video of the day:
Mest - "Jaded"

Some entertaining clips to ease stress.

Wah sia wah!
Jap effects

Enjoy!

I thought I was being very mean and unfair when I started to talk behind one friend's back. Then I heard the same opinions from 4 other friends voicing familiar comments. I don't usually talk about people behind their backs, it's just mean and backstabbing in a way, but talking about this ONE person made me release tention. I realised there was a problem in our friendship when she treated me less than a friend. She would order me to do "favours" for her, and naive as I was, I did them. I don't know why I'm still friends with her, though another friend thinks I should end this "friendship". This is one of my weaknessess. This is how I got stepped all over on in Primary and Secondary school. I feel like I'm re-doing this scene all over again, just that the person's face has changed. I forgive but not forget. I could bitch about her to someone JUST before I meet her, then when we meet up, I'm my usual self. Sometimes I DO voice what I think to her, but usually in an annoyed tone. I should talk to her to save this friendship before it breaks. Dejavu all over again. I had "friend"s who did this to me, maybe worse. They used me to do their bidding, used me as a last resort to go out, used me as an excuse for everything they did wrong....they used me in many ways that thinking about it now, is making me cry. It's nothing sexual if that's what you're thinking. It's an emotional thing. It may even be considered as bullying. Sure they treat me as a friend now and then, but sometimes I just feel so inferior. All my "friendships" in the past are now over and done with. Now, there's this one. Should I try to resolve this one??? She may NOT notice that she's doing all this to me, so I SHOULD forgive her and try to save our friendship, right??? Or should I stop this now, and lose a friend. That's the thing, I'm ALWAYS like this. I'm always feeling sorry for them, and feeling sorry for myself, and forgiving them, and giving in to them, and losing myself. Is it fair to me now??? She's a great listener and we could talk on the phone for hours, and that's a very good quality in a friend. But like the other 4 said, "She's a great listener, but you can't trust her". I'm really confused.

Whoa...

Alot had happened at Zouk last night. There was an event yesterday at Zouk - "Female Magazine 50 Most Gorgeous People Hunt". My friends and I decided to go. I needed to destress and see "gorgeous" people and whilst some of my friends had the same intentions, others wanted to be the ones spotted. Anyway, at the end of the night, 2 friends were asked to join. I was late (as usual) and didn't see them being taken photographed. Damn, it'll be so super cool to see your friends on stage being photographed and selected for something this awesome. Sigh, anywayz, I dressed the usual clubbing wear - toga top and jeans - whilst ONE of my friends "dressed to kill". She wore this black tube top and a micro mini skirt. Like whoa... Seriously, her skirt was smaller than the top itself. But yea, I thought she could pull it off with her heels to match, but some of friends beg to differ. But in the end, looking her best wasn't quite enough to get asked to join the contest. She DID get a WHOLE lot of attention though. Inside the club, I saw Annabelle Francis and her hubby Sheik Haikel, being followed by a camera man, looking for gorgeous people. Oh yea, and outside, I spotted Terrence Cao. He was looking at my group. Either 'coz I was drunk or 'coz my friend's micro mini caught his eye. Hmm...who knows. Anyway, no biggie, not a big fan of his, so no whoop-dee-doo.

Okay, about my drunkeness. I'm not sure if I could consider myself as drunk 'coz I could remember everything that went on last night. Also, I ONLY drank 4 shots of tequilla. 4!!!! ONLY!!!! Gawd, I think it's 'coz I haven't drank in damn long. Anywayz... It was damn funny though. It's like my body wasn't listening to my brain. I knew what was going on, but at the same time, my body just did whatever. Argh... I had loads of fun, but I was too drunk to really enjoy it. But I DID enjoy myself, to a certain extend. I danced with this HOT caucasian guy though. *BIG SMILE* It's like this - I was dancing with my friends and I noticed this caucasian guy looking at me. I thought maybe he was looking at my friend 'coz she's quite a looker. Then this caucasian girl asked if I'd dance with her friend - that caucasian guy - 'coz he was shy to ask. Then she dragged him to me and we started to dance. He's from California. Loved his accent. He was damn hot mann... Well-built, 6 packs (yes, I felt his packs *uneasy smile*), taller than me, good-looking, and a great dancer. Sounds too good to be true ya?? But I don't know, I was too drunk that I forgot to ask for his name and number. Haha. But anywayz, after dancing with him for like 15 mins or so, I needed to talk to my friend so I excused myself and went to talk to her. I think he thought I wasn't interested so he returned to HIS friends and I didn't see him the rest of the night after that. AMANDA!!! Stupid, stupid, stupid. Never mind, if fate insists, maybe I'll see him again. HA! Anywayz, I went to Zouk with another group of friends (I was at Phuture before), and when we were just about to reach the dance floor, I spotted a familiar face so I let go of my friend's arm and went to say hi. When I wanted to get back to them, I had lost them, so I hung out with the friends I was with. Weird, I kept hanging out with different groups of people. Anywayz, the night ended with me lying on my friend's lap. And thus we all retired to a roti prata shop at Seleigi. Drank 'Dinosaur's (Milo with extra Milo Power on the top) and ate Roti Pratas. Btw, a word of caution - When you're thirsty to the bone, DO NOT drink 'Dinosaur's 'coz you'd drink all the milo up before you get to mix in the extra powder and enjoy its chocolatey goodness. Recommended drink: Water or Green Tea.

Argh!!! I can't believe I lost my belly chain!!! It was sooo nice. And my close friend made it for me too! Damn. Wasted. Everyone was admiring it before the party and then I lost it. CRAP!!! Anyhoo, I don't think I can formally say I was drunk last night 'coz I remembered everything, but I guess I CAN say I was super super super-duper high. Sigh, till my next high-encouters. Laterz!

Ok update on my life...

Dad's birthday was on the 6th of August, which was yesterday and so we all went for a nice dinner. Food was not bad, but I totally overate. Over-eating = no good. So anywayz, I came home at around 9:30pm and laid on the couch waiting for Buffy to start. I was super tired from all the lack of sleep from the past few days so I kinda fell asleep at around 11:55pm - Buffy starts at 12 midnight. So yea, I konked out, and was awoken at 12:10am by my mom. I could've at least caught the rest of it, but I was too exhausted, so I ended up taking a shower and headed for bed. Sleep is good.

Okay, so the other night - Wednesday night, I was invited to attend a pagent. My friend was one of the finalists so I wanted to go to support her. We were supposed to pay like 12 bucks but for some reason, being on the guest list meant getting in for free. So yeap, didn't need to pay. Which is good 'coz I was getting broke. Anywayz, the night started out boring but when the show started it was entertaining as hell. The contestants came out in casual wear, followed by swimwear then evening wear. The best part of the show was when the contestants had to do dares. One of my guy friends liked #2 so when she had to pick out someone from the audience, all my friends and I pointed at him and one of the two hosts got him up on stage. Though it was the contestant's dare, HE ended up doing it. He had to hold her hands *wink wink* and spell ILLUSION with his butt. Haha, he was damn embarrassed mann... Oh and 'coz my friend whom we went to support was #4, when it was her turn to do a dare, my OTHER guy friend was sabo-ed by us again. But he was lucky, this time the dare was for the contestant to do. She had to "propose" to him!!! She did it of course, (hey! the judges might cut her marks if she doesn't) and well...his exact answer was, "I'll consider..."!!! Fucking asshole mann!!! His answer may have cost her alot of marks!!! Good thing, she got 1st Runner-up. The 1st place went to another girl who did a pole dance for the judges, erm yea ok... And oh! #2, she came in 2nd Runner-up, not bad... They were all very pretty of course. Duh!! Beauty pagent. But seriously, I really thought my friend should've won, she's so pretty, articulate, speaks GOOD English, and was super confident. But I also thought #1 should've come in top 3 'coz her figure was the best amongst the lot. ANYWAY...enuff talk about this.

Netball was damn fun today. We played hard. The game was so fast-paced - adrenaline rush mann... But all that running has gotten me exhausted to the bone. So I'll stop here and get to bed. Nightz!!!

Ok update on my life...

Dad's birthday was on the 6th of August, which was yesterday and so we all went for a nice dinner. Food was not bad, but I totally overate. Over-eating = no good. So anywayz, I came home at around 9:30pm and laid on the couch waiting for Buffy to start. I was super tired from all the lack of sleep from the past fe

I ate the QUARTER POUNDER from Macdonalds today. It's like a quarter of a quarter of a quarter...of a quarter of a pound. Okay, so I don't know what a 1/4 of a pound of meat should look like, but it's definitely more than what the Macs 1/4 pounder is like. It's even smaller in size than the Double Cheeseburger. And it tastes the same!!! They just added onions, like wow. Seriously, it's more worth it to buy the Double Cheeseburger instead, coz there's definitely more meat in that than the "1/4 pounder". It tastes nice actually, but like I said, it tastes like the Double Cheeseburger, so no big fucking deal. I was starving today, and thought hmm...1/4 pounder sounds filling, and at $5.95 (Extra Value Meal) I'd expect it to be filling, but nooooo, it was a tiny burger. Thank gawd for the fries and coke. That helped...a little. I think a Whopper from Burger King would do more justice than Mac's 1/4 pounder. But, my all-time favourite burger is of course the Mushroom Swiss Double, yum! Best burger EVER. I could eat it everyday, but a-hem, I'm not that rich. So yea, don't bother wasting time and money on the 1/4 pounder at Macs. Not worth.

I'm in need of some serious EM3A (MATH 3A) tutoring. Anyone willing to teach me??? Any help will be duely appreciated.

AMANDA

This name was created in the 17th century by the playwright Colley Cibber. He based it on Latin amanda meaning "lovable".

The name of Amanda has given you an appreciation for many beautiful and refined aspects of life--music and art, literature, drama--and the outdoors, where you find much peace and relaxation, but it creates a far too sensitive nature. You sense and feel much that you do not understand, and sometimes you are alarmed at your thoughts and wonder about their origin. You rarely experience the tranquility that comes with stability of thinking or emotional control. At times, you are very inspired, desiring to be with people and to entertain others as the "life of the party," while at other times you are aloof and choose to remove yourself entirely from association. You crave understanding and affection but your intensity of desire and your self-consciousness prevent you from finding the happiness you desire. You have suffered many disappointments and misunderstandings because of your inability to express your inner thoughts.

-END-

Me??? Lovable??? HA!!! Some might beg to differ. My parents had told me that my name meant "Worthy of Love". I think they mis-interpreted the meaning. WORTHY doesn't mean HAVE. I may be worthy of love but I may never find it. I attract all the wrong guys and the right guys never have the guts to reveal their true feelings towards me. I appreciate all the honesty and upfrontness some guys may have given to me, but the feelings might not be mutual or that there's no chemistry (in the romantic kinda way). Most of the guys would make great friends, but not boyfriends (for me, that is). I'm choosy, yes. I have standards, yes. Who doesn't??? But yet, when I DO meet the right guy, I should and will know that it's him. Standards or no standards, if it's love, who am I to disagree? I have made mistakes rushing into relationships, but now I've learnt that I can take my time. For now at least. No need to find Mr Right, he'll find me. If we're meant to be, it'll happen. I'll just wait, concentrate on my studies for now, and wait.

Yet another Amanda-losophy:

How do lesbians, gays and bisexuals become what they've become? Something must have happened to them, to make them realise that they wanted to be with someone other than the opposite sex. There's nothing wrong in being homosexual or bisexual, I'm just curious on how they came to be.

I know these 2 individuals. One guy, one girl. They were a couple for a few months or so before they broke it off. Ironically, both became homosexuals. The guy - gay, the girl - lesbian. What did they do to each other to make them change their feelings towards the opposite sex??? I seriously don't know. Did something happen making them both realise they preferred their own kind? The guy - turned gay and is still presently gay. The girl - was lesbian till recently when her on-off relationship with her girlfriend went sour and now she's currently straight. Strange ay??? How can someone change just like that??? Again, not that there's anything wrong, just interesting, and curious to know.

Btw, a friend and I noticed in town tonight, that many ah-lians have now becomed lesbians and butches. The sightings - outside Heeren. The crowd - Bengs, Lians, mudds, etc. You can now distinctively see groups of ah-bengs without any sight of their ah-lians. I guess after the ah-lians changed their liking from guys to girls, the bengs feel lonely and had to resort to a life without their lady peers. Either that, or they've changed their ways too. Hmm...

Okay, done with my thoughts on this matter for now. Adios!