It's 3am and I'm still online. Why? 'Coz I was busy with friendster.com. Damn that thing...

I got to this option where you can find people who are members already, so I tried that. Randomly typing people's names, and voila! I found almost all my ex-church mates and my ex-classmates as well. Actually, I started off finding my ex-classmate, and I did. Then I discovered that one of his contacts was also a friend of mine, whom I haven't seen in years, so there, another one. Then, she was linked to my ex-church mates, and they were linked so on and so forth. Get the picture? The world is so fucking small that everyone knows everyone in some way. Okay, maybe not the world, just Singapore. Sheesh... And I'm 18! I can imagine being 25 and knowing everyone in Singapore aged between 24-30. Small world, and getting smaller.

Ladida...

Friendster.com is a place you guys should check out. Hassle to edit here and there though, takes too fucking long to upload. But hey, you get to see how everyone's connected by at least one other person. Like, heh, I kinda had this crush on a guy, and whilst looking through my friend's contact list, I saw him and HIS profile etc. *sticks out tongue* I had lost interest in him, but I think it's back. Who knows? Since we have a mutual friend, we might meet someday. HA!

Anywayz, you guys add me when ya'll join k? Search for my email add: koola@hotmail.com

See ya peeps!

MY CDS' ARE IN!!!

Yay! FINALLY! Gawd, after ten million years... Actually, it was more like 3 months, but it doesn't matter anymore. By Wednesday, I'll have Mest in my hands. *bright light shines down* *chorus in the background*

Ohh...and "Liberation" too, heh. Okay, nvm, you guys wouldn't understand the excitement I have going for me now. Sigh... Life is good...

Yesterday's weather was damn on-off. Cloudy, sunny, cloudy, sunny, damn cloudy, damn sunny. But at least there was sun!

My friends and I went to the beach at Sentosa yesterday, and YES! I finally got a tan! Well, kinda.

Like I said before, the weather was damn on-off. But with little scorching sun we had, we fully made use of it. We used those dark-tanning oils and put a whole load on ourselves. So yes, I did get a little burnt. Not as bad as last time though. But at the same time, I'm still not THAT tan. Tan enough I guess, for now.

Anywayz, on a totally different matter. I was watching the news the other day (the one in a million rare occasions that I do), and there was this story about some Taiwan politician that was massaged by a "seeing" masseuse. It's supposed to have been paid for like a bribe from some other people. But anywayz, thing is, the problem was also about the "seeing" masseuse. Turns out, masseuses who massage important people are supposed to be blind. The reason behind it is, so that the customers would have their identities kept confidential. Stupid... Blindfold a normal seeing masseuse la! I mean, what happens when they run out of blind people???

I got fucking drunk last night and let me tell you, it’s no pretty sight. I remember everything till I was just about to leave Centro, but the rest of the night is a total blank. Here’s what I DO remember…

You see, it was ladies’ night at Centro – free entry and free drinks. So, my friends and I went there to drink our hearts out and boy did we. We must’ve drunk ½ to a whole bottle of vodka that night and there were only 2 drinking! We played 5-10 and each time we finished our drinks – 3 glasses each round, we’d order 3 more. So then, when the drinks came, we’d both down a glass each then leave the last glass for 5-10. So you can imagine how fast a round ended – pretty quick. So knowing how fucking high we both were, we decided to head to Zouk. Centro was for the free drinks and Zouk’s for the free party – They had free entry for ladies’ too, heh. Well, let’s just say I never got to Zouk. I was there, physically, but mentally, I was gone. The only thing I could remember were shots of me at my condo’s lift and basement lobby, puking.

Like I said, not a pretty sight – for those around me that is. *bites lip* Well, my friends, Luke and Sara got me home (Thanks guys – so much) and plopped me on my sofa. That was around 2am plus, I woke up at 5 plus, close to 6, to clean myself up. So anywayz, I was taking a piss when I needed to throw up. So I did – on the floor of my bathroom. Don’t worry, it’s cleaned up. But boy do I hate throwing up, it’s like your guts just come all the way up to your throat and all your juices gets rejected through your mouth. Eek, bodily fluids. Like I said, not a pretty sight. So yea, I was in the bathroom and looking at what a mess I was in the mirror. I could scare little children mann… Then I saw a scrape on my shoulder. How the hell did I get that??? My gawd, this was bad. I can’t even remember if I fell??? So there, my first drunk experience. Never gonna do this again.

I found out what happened at zouk from my other friends. I can’t believe I did all that. Apparently, I fell off a high chair – backwards and puked a whole lot at Zouk. To be more exact, Wine Bar next to Zouk. I couldn’t get into Zouk ‘coz the bouncer saw that I was too fucking drunk. Can’t blame him, I wouldn’t have let myself in myself. How can I show my face at Zouk ever again? So sorry to the Wine Bar people for puking there. Real sorry. Gawd, I can imagine myself puking and looking so damn un-glam mann… Ugh…so ugly. Can’t believe I did all that, and that I don’t have the slightest memory of it. This is bad…

Aside from the scrape on my shoulder, I discovered a few other “injuries”. A very very slight scrape on my left knee (wow, thanks, that’ll even out the scrape on my other knee. I have a pair now! … ) and a bruise on my right elbow. Damn, one night of too much drinking and all this. Bad bad bad…

Thinking back on everything, I’m totally ashamed at myself. I feel disgusted and so irresponsible. (pauses) I think I’ll stop clubbing for a while. I need to get my life back on track. I have tons of work to do, yet I’m out partying in the middle of the week. Nah, not good. I never want to be in that position every again. It’s so not me, and I hate the feeling of not knowing what exactly happened that night. It’s like I lost part of my life. Don’t laugh, but I feel very strongly about this. When I said that I couldn’t recall anything that happened at Zouk, I wasn’t lying. I really can’t remember. It’s like it didn’t even happen at all. My dad says it’s the alcohol that killed some of my brain cells taking along the memory. He’s probably right. I feel so vulnerable not knowing. It’s scary…

Bored out of my wits
Killing time is the pits
Blasting in my ears
Finch and peers

In my head circulate
problems situate
school assignments
financial problems

I lack of something
maybe nothing
Feel empty
Feel sympathy

-Amanda

Last night at zouk was damn funny. Ya see, a friend and I were sitting down talking, when this guy came along and asked if he could sit down. I thought he needed a rest for a while, so we allowed him to take a seat. Turns out, he wanted to befriend us. So, we found out he was from Myanmar, blah blah blah, and we wanted him to take the hint that we wanted to be left alone, so we called in some reinforcements. So then comes along another friend, plus HIS friend (German guy), and well, the Myanmar guy started to talk to them. My friend (she) and I were glad he was more interested to talking to the German guy than us, 'coz he was pretty desperate for a friend. But little did he know that the German guy was bisexual. Heh...

Then, my guy friend made up this story about him and his "partner" (German guy) being gay, and that my friend and I were lesbians, to scare him off. But first he made sure that the Myanmar guy was straight, so as to freak him out a little. The Myanmar guy didn't buy it one bit, so my guy friend tried to prove it to him. He leaned across the table and tried to kiss MG. He totally freaked. But nah, the kiss never happened. Just a little scare, my friend knew MG would never kiss him back, being straight and all, but seriously, MG looked quite gay, heh.

Then finally, we took our leave to the dance floor, without, thank gawd, Myanmar guy. So then, 4 of us were at the dance floor. And well, my guy friend was taking the gay thing a little too far. He was dancing with the German guy and well, to say the least, they were all over each other. They danced extreamly close, and the German guy started touching my friend! His chest, his ass, the works! Scary sight... Then, the German guy unbuttoned my friend's shirt, just the top few, to see his chest. Gawd, I can't believe I'm even saying all this. Then after that, German guy pulled up my friend's shirt. That's when I looked away, I didn't want to blind myself and corrupt my head with all these unnatural sights. I'm not anti-gay or anything, but dudes, don't do this in public. Get a room! But ugh...the thought...

To make it clear, my guy friend is straight. But damn, he must be damn comfortable with his sexuality to be doing all that in public mann. Either that, or he's bisexual as well...

October issue of SEVENTEEN magazine, Singapore.

I was reading this section called "Guys Talk - tell us the truth", and the topic was something like "Why do you think girls go to the toilet in groups?". Most of them said that it's 'coz girls want to talk about guys. pfft...pleasee... That happens quite rarely. We don't go to toilet just to talk about GUYS, like we have nothing else better to do??? We go to take a piss, I mean, that's what toilets are for yea??? And we ask the other girls if they need to go too 'coz it just makes more sense for everyone to go one time instead of one by one going at different times, it's just troublesome. And of course, since we're all in the toilet, we can talk, I mean, is talking prohibited in the toilet? Like guys don't talk in the loo...pleasee.. So just to clear things up - Girls go to the loo to pee and sometimes touch up on makeup. We don't talk about guys all the time, thank you very much. We have lives...

On another topic, Keira Knightley. There's an article of her in here that says she's dyselxic, poor thing. But hey! She's been in some great movies so far, so lucky girl. I didn't realise till I read this, but she was Queen Amidala's decoy in Star Wars: Episode 1. And one interesting fact, Keira looked so much like Natalie Portman that their mothers couldn't even tell them apart. Cool yea?? Keira was in the newpaper one time and I thought she was Natalie, 'coz seriously, they look so much alike. Whoa, scary... But they're both gorgeous so it shouldn't matter that they're two of them.

Kaez, read the rest of the mag later. Night!

On my way home, I saw this line of cars waiting to top up on petrol at the Bukit Timah Mobil Station. Passing this really looong line, I finally saw this sign that blinked, "13% OFF". It looked kinda Las Vegas-like. But gawd, all that waiting must've cost those drivers 13% worth of fuel already, don't you think??

Anywayz, I'm going to Sentosa tomorrow. The sun, the sand, and the sea...sigh. Just hope it doesn't rain *crosses fingers*.

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Comments on the M.O.S.H Compilation Album, Volume 1

If you guys didn't already know, MOSH is a collection of songs by local bands. They have bands like Cesspit, None So Far, Potential Problem, Vertical Rush, and many more. The album consists of 16 tracks and only costs $15! You can get your copy at either one of the two ROXY stores, Funan #03-36 or Lavanita Peninsular Hotel #02-36. However, I've heard from sources that the album's sold out at Lavanita Peninsular Hotel already so there's be better chances of getting your copy at Funan. More updates soon.

Ciao!

God tricked me...AGAIN! Basically the same story, so I won't get into it.

Just watched "Buffy - The Vampire Slayer". Damn great last episode. But don't fret kids, it's not the last season YET. As usual the scriptwriters ended off THIS season with a cliffhanger. And a damn good one might I add. If you didn't manage to catch it, they're showing the same season, but a few episodes behind, on StarWorld - Ch 18 on SCV.

Anywayz, it's late and I need rest. Nightz!

MOSH compliation is finally out! Ok, it had been out for some time already. But anywayz, I've yet to get my FREE *BIG SMILE* copy so nope haven't listened to it yet. Will tell when I do.

On another note, Potential Problem had recently informed me that they'd be opening for Plain Sunset at their next cd launch at Zouk. Great news aye? Damn excited for them. I mean, PLAIN SUNSET dudes! They're like one of the best local bands in Singapore. I know when the launch will be, but PP has requested that that information be disclosed till further notice. So I'll keep it hush hush for the moment.

Laterz...

Listening to: Sugarcult - "How Does It Feel"

I was tricked by God once again.

I had class today at 9am, I knew that, but I don't know why I kept thinking it was at 8. When I woke up, it was 7:55pm. So yea, I thought I was going to be late, as usual. So then, I quickly changed, packed up my bag and rushed to school. So by the time I reached school, it was 8:33am. I went to class, and saw it dark and empty. Puzzled, I just headed to the library like I always do, thinking I'd be meeting my friends for my morning dose of hotdogs at 'Each-A-Cup' (NP's cyber bubble-tea joint) later on. I looked at my handphone for the time again - 8:35am. Wait-a-min, 8:35am??? That's when it finally clicked in my head. Duh...

Crap, it's almost 9am, I don't want to be late for class this time. Till later!

I skipped the whole day of school today.

Why? 2 reasons:
1. Tired as hell
2. Mom woke me up

The first reason is kinda reasonable, but the second? Let me explain. Whenever I have classes waaay early in the morning, like 8ish, my mom's still at home getting ready for work. So then, she'll come into my room to wake me. Doing that, she off-sets my internal clock. What I mean is, usually, I'm already awake but just laying on my bed for awhile for my body to adjust to the wake-up state in mind. Interrupting that, I have to sleep again and then re-do the sequence all over again. It's me, that's MY way of clearing my mind for the looong school day ahead. Also, it's also a rebel issue. I hate it when my mom asks me to do stuff I'm already or am about to do. Like when I was younger, and was about to take a shower or something, my mom would, not sure if it was deliberate, but she'd say, "AMANDA, GO AND BATHE NOW!". ... ... I really hate it when people tell me to do something, when I was just about to do it!!! I refuse to let them think I'm doing something 'coz they told me to. Call me crazy, but it's just something that really ticks me off sometimes. So there, that's me.

I've talked this over with my mom already, but it still hasn't gotten it through her head. This is like the 3rd time in 2 weeks. Locking the door is no use, she has the key to it. I'm now thinking of putting a sign on my door, "DO NOT DISTURB", but seriously, she'd still use the key to come in. I'm open to suggestions, if any.

Drink and be MERRY! - My new motto for this year.

Also,
Alcohol soothes the soul...

Tired tired tired...

Just got back from Zouk. Went partying to destress and have fun. Also, 'coz I got back my last and final Common Test paper today. The dreaded EM3A (Math) paper. Surprisingly, I scored 80/100. AMAZING...

So yeap, Netball yesterday and partying today really made me damn tired. On top of that, my muscles ache. It's even hard to stretch my arms upwards.

Okay, back to Zouk. Today they had this "Seventeen Magazine Birthday Bash" thing, and well, I had free tix, so what-the-hey go la! They also crowned the Miss Seventeen there as well. Saw who won, but had no idea who she was. They all look alike. Oh well.. OH!!! And I got a bear!!! A cute 'MADE IN CHINA' bear from Seventeen magazine. Something like a door gift, but when you leave. So cute. Bears, sigh. I love the patchy-patchy bear from Kalms too. Ya know the greyish one with patches on it? I think it's called "Me to You" or something like that. I love that bear alot, though I haven't gotten any. Anywayz, no biggie, just a bear ya? But they are cute. Okok, in need of sleep now. Nighty nightz.

More on test scores:

SN (Signals & Networks) - 86
DE (Digital Electronics) - 75

All on my first try. I'm really impressed with myself this semester. Normally I'd just-pass everything or just-fail, but this semester, I'm doing rather well. Must thank God for that.

During the study break, I'd been going out...ALOT And well, I only studied on that Thursday and on ONE module. The rest were studied the night before. So getting these marks was really a miracle. A God-given miracle.

My poor head and tummy

Too late
never
ignorance
forever

Pill taken
in me now
ate too much
feel like a cow

Tired and dead
pulsating in my head
sleep is the cure
can't take it anymore

Goodnight lovez
rest is at hand
tomorrow gone
better I am

-Amanda

Netball practice is back on tomorrow. Thank gawd!!! 2 weeks without it felt so weird. It's like how could I have been w/o it all these years. Maybe it's the poly stress. It got to be so bad that netball is my only release. Sigh, either way, Netball's TOMORROW!!! Woohoo!

I got back my Wednesday French class test score. And, as I thought, I did worse. Compared to the 39/40 I got for my Monday's class, I got 37/40 for my Wednesday one. Monday's one, I lost 1/2 mark for conversation, and another 1/2 from my written section. Wednesday's one, I lost 3 marks from my conversation part, whilst I scored full marks for my written part. Damn, I KNEW I screwed up the oral. When he asked me, "Are you tall?", I replied with, "Yes, YOU are tall." Damn, I totally over-analyzed the question. That cost me 3 marks. Oh well, just hope I'd do better on the 2nd test. But I'm not too sure if I'll be able to, 'coz both lecturers from both classes said that the 2nd test WILL be much harder to score. Oh well, I'll try my best.

Before I end this, a very very close-yet-so-far friend who's now in Canada, suggested that I write her a poem. And that gave me an idea. I'm thinking of writing a poem for each friend I know and compiling all these poems into a nice book. Then next time, I'd be able to look back and remember all these people I've met throughout my life. So good or bad experience, I'm going to write one poem about everyone I know, but only people I know well enough. I mean, it's hard to write about someone I hardly know, ya know? What can I say? "That person's tall, I recall. He has hair that's black, kinda like the dirt behind his neck." Haha, ok. That was something I just came up with to prove a point. First impressions don't count. People always put on a show when you first meet them, so yea, I'll only write about people I really know. Anytime I'm done, I'll post it on here for you guys to read k? But not all. Just a few favs here and there. We'll see...

Ok, cheerio!

I forgot to tell you guys the great news. So far I've gotten back 2 test scores and I PASSED!!! Okay, when I first saw that I got 50/100 for PP2 (C++ programming), I thought "OMG! I PASSED!!! YAY!!!". Hey! I passed mann, don't have to do the dreadful re-test, thank goodness. But then when I looked through the paper, I realised that a whole question wasn't marked, so then I got that sorted out and in the end, I got 69! Way better of course, but erm, 69? Why couldn't I have gotten one more mark to make it a nice even number like 70? 69 sounds so odd, don't you think? Anywayz, that aside. I got back my Monday French class test score too. And well, I got 39/40. I know I'm supposed to be like "oh WOW", but I feel so disappointed that I was so close to getting full marks. It's just so argh... Annoying. Oh well, at least I passed yea?

My inner child is sixteen years old!

Life's not fair! It's never been fair, but while
adults might just accept that, I know
something's gotta change. And it's gonna
change, just as soon as I become an adult and
get some power of my own.


How Old is Your Inner Child?
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On my way home, I saw this guy who had "BUDGET" printed on the tag at the back of his jeans. Haha, only a few people I know would be able get this joke. Budget, budget.

Anywayz, I just got back from watching "Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl". One word, NICE... It's really a MUST-watch. Worth my $6.50, heh heh. But seriously, this is the one of the best movies I've seen this year. And let me tell you, there's aren't many nice ones this year. It's not a horror show as I suspected. Ya know, I thought it was scary, but no, it's funny even. Very enjoyable, and a movie I wouldn't mind watching again.

(In pirate tone) ARGH...

All these words in my head
often unsaid
Are creeping out
of my mouth

This isn't me
I'm unlike this cruel reality
I don't like this
Hate to talk and diss

But everything I say is true
it's not 'coz I hate you
It's just sometimes I feel used
and often you are amused

Am I that naive?
Stupid to believe
that I am your friend
someone you may not know I am

I can't take it anymore
that's why I'm evening out the score
Not unfairly I will
'coz you drove me to this hill

It's time I tell you that
I am nothing but upset
with the things you do
and sometimes you make me feel like a fool

Goodbye my friend
all is said and done
I'll drift away
you may not even notice my stray

Goodbye my friend
I'm done with this
I am now an acquaintance
a friendship is way too superficial to exist

-Amanda

Yet another Stacie Orrico song stuck in my head, "More To Life".

Here I am in a corner of the library typing my thoughts out. Boredom fills my times with classes amiss. Stupid lecturers always like to end my Monday clases earlier than other days. I think they KNOW that I have French at 5:30pm on Mondays and they intentionally end class early so that I wouldn't have a thing to do till then. Bastards.

Btw, The MOSH cd compilation is out. It's a compilation of some of the local bands right here in Singapore. I have no idea how it turned out, but I'm sure it'll be great. I'll be getting my FREE copy soon, heh. So far, I've only heard 2 tracks from that compilation, and they both sounded alright. Yupz, will let you guys know whether it's worth your 15 bucks or not. At least I think it's $15, I don't know. Must check.

I so wanna party next weekend. After last night's party, the total rush of clubbing has come back to haunt me. So anyone who has info about parties on this week, especially if it's on a weekend, let me know. Please and thank you!

Yesterday was my last paper, and yes I'm done!!! No more studying! No more stressing! Well...till the next examination.

I just got back from a party at 'ANGEL'. It's a club if you didn't already know. Anywayz, I had a blast. The music was great, duh! R&B. And the crowd was just nice. There were the usual beautiful people who often go to these JC parties, and a few new faces here and there too. I was so not dressed for clubbing man. I was in a tube top and a cardigan, and jeans. Okay, it SOUNDS like I was in club wear but seriously, I felt so out of place. I couldn't take out my cardi 'coz I didn't want to be too revealing. I can't imagine myself with that tiny tube top and jeans alone. It's just so not me. Then of course, with my cardi on, I felt damn hot. Yikes, it was like a sauna in that cardi, though I did try to pull the sleeves up for ventilation to my lower arms. That helped a little. Sigh, but still, I had a ton of fun. Plus, I got to see this guy I used to have a crush on back in secondary school. He's eurasian and he looks better than ever. Oh well...

Gawd, the most disgusting thing happened last night too. My friend's friend was talking to her, then HIS friend came over and started talking about Asian breasts. Like how it's smaller compared to the caucasians. Like...Oook. Then anywayz, he bluntly asked for my friend's cup size. I could tell she was very uncomfortable hearing that, but was confident she wasn't silly enough to answer that. At that time, my jaw had already dropped. Then he bluntly commented that she should be an 'A' cup, 'coz she's Asian. What kinda crap is that??? Then he looked down her top. I immediately pulled her away from him and scolded the son-of-a-bitch. What I didn't understand about the situation was that my friend calmly responded to me with a lame excuse that they were both still a little high. I'm like HELLO??? Doesn't mean that if they're drunk they can just do whatever they want to and get away with it. It's dumb!!! Come on! He just stared down your boobs. Gawd, I don't understand her sometimes. Anywayz, her friend DID try to apologise on behalf of his friend, but seriously, what he did was rude and disrespectful to women in general. It's so demoralising don't you think?? Argh, hate guys like that. Bastards.

Other than that encounter, the night went well. So yeap, I'm going to turn in now. Need my well-deserved rest I've been missing for the past 2 weeks. Night...

Whew...today's EM3A (Math) paper was alright. I'll definitely pass. As far as I know, I lost 18 marks on 2 questions that I got wrong. But who knows, I might get SOME marks for a little working here and there. HA! I wish...

So far so good, my common tests has been A-okay. Just 2 more to go, one tomorrow and another on Saturday. Both texts untouched. And my DE(Digital Electronics) paper is just this afternoon in fact. Got to get to it later in the late morning. Need help from peers, and with that, I'm sure I'll do fine.

I only had 2 hours of sleep last night. Need to catch up on that.

I had an anxiety attack this morning. I mean, the morning before today's. I mean, just before my EM3A paper on Wednesday morning. A mild anxiety attack. I found it hard to breathe, taking in short breaths while making my way to the exam hall. I was in a state of panic, and I was only moments away from my paper starting. Thankfully, I calmed myself in time to do a few more revision questions before stepping into the exam hall. Though the level of anxiety went down, I was still nervous and stressed about the whole matter of taking this test. I didn't understand why! I mean, it's only a test! I've never been so worked up over a simple test before. The feeling was alien to me. I was shaking my leg throughout the whole paper. When it was finally over, I stepped out of the hall with such a relief that's indescribable. Seriously, it wasn't that I wasn't prepared for the test, I studied and practised, but I was stressing out, that it stressed me that I was stressing out. I need serious de-stressing. DIANA! Hopefully tonight's party at your place would do the trick. See ya guys tonight.

Crap...

I'm going to have a scab on my nose now. There was this darn itch on my nose so I kept on scratching it. Guess I scratched too much, 'coz the first layer of skin is gone, like ya know when you scrape your skin on something? Yea, like that. Damn, it's damn ug-ly. But sigh, who cares. It's just one of those things I'll add on to my imperfections.