Eventful day might I say...

Wanted to tan, but sigh, Mother Nature didn't permit it. Rain in the morning, and cloudy the whole day. Yea, bummer.

So our plans changed, Nat's and mine. We went shopping instead. And I managed to buy something (thank gawd).

We were at 'Charles & Keith' at Wisma, and we saw this Caucasian guy pass a shoe to a Chinese girl. The guy was HOT. The girl.. Well, let's just say, she's not even a plain jane. No really.. You can ask Nat.

What's the world coming to?? Hot guys are supposed to be with Hot girls! It's the circle of life! The whole enchalada. The 11th Commandment!

You see all kinds of people in town. We saw this really gangly girl at Taka. At first, I thought she was just very gangly. But when we saw her face. Oh gawd.. It's like she never got a chance. Ugly + Gangly = Unlucky. Poor girl..

We also saw this old Caucasian guy coming out of Mandarin Hotel, with his arm around a white-faced transsie. He/she had so much powder on his/her face, you wouldn't be surprised if he/she just came from a Chinese Wayang. And he/she was fuckin ugly I tell you. I can't believe the stupid "Ang Mo" even dared to try...

Eeww..

But enough of uglies of Orchard road (there are more, but I can't quite recall right now). Sara, Diana, Nat and I went to see Jan at the Mandarin Hotel. She was attending some "ball" with her date. But yea, we just sat at the lounge area till the event finished. And when it did, Jan came out to ask us to go see how this one girl dressed. We were all in the toilet waiting for her to come out of the cubicle. And when she did, gawd. Guys' mouths will drop open.

It was a bright orange patternish dress. With so little cloth, you'd only be able to make a proper knew-length skirt out of it. It was just a piece of cloth wrapped around her. It was low-cut, and the front looking like a bra, then it crosses the back and there's no cloth till the top of her ass. Doesn't she feel cold??

People.

I bumped into Geng Rui today. Mann, it's been so long. He was attending the ball with his ex-girlfriend. It was weird to see him 'coz Nat and I were just talking about him today. Huh. What are the odds??

It's already the first of August. My dad's birthday is in 6 days. And I haven't got a clue on what I'm going to get him. Really, why is it so hard to buy presents for someone I've known my whole life?? Maybe 'coz my budget's not as high as I wanted it to be. If not, I'd buy him a car. His personal pref right now is the Lexus RX 300. I just sat in that just last night - Abs's car. But if it's not the car, I'd send him to Pebble Beach. And let him play Golf there. Mann.. Or maybe send him to a Grand Prix in some country to watch the F1s race.

I want to give my dad the world. But I just can't afford it.

One day.. One day...

I hate it when people state the obvious. And they say it as though I don't know it. Idiots.

I had Black Pepper Crab, Chilli Crab (drool), Fried Rice, Sambal Kang Kong (double drool), and some other Sze Chuan Chicken dish. It was yummy. Not absolutely delish beyond delish, but hey, for 50 bucks, it was good...

I was there with my collegue and one of the guys from the wine shop near us. Then I left at around 11:30pm to meet Di.

Spinelli's getting to be our new hang out these days. I don't mind.. I don't have to walk so fuckin far to Lido Macs anymore.

Met Sara for a little while. Little as in little. It wasn't 7 mins, before we parted ways again, and she left for MS - Mohammed Sultan.

We went to Wala Wala. Di, Jan, Abs and I. By the time we reached, it was 1am. And they band played 1/2 an hour before their set ended. They started waaay earlier, but yea, we were late. They weren't half bad. ECI - was that what they called themselves? I can't quite recall. But yea, they did good covers. I mean, compared to alot of other bands that I've heard doing covers. This has got to be one of the best I've heard.

The set ended, leaving us with half a jug of beer left. We brought the glasses out of the bar to let the people clear up. One of the waitresses didn't allow us to sit inside. "Errr, we cleaned that part up already." As we left, she added, "Errr, we will need the glasses back ah..", with this attitude tone. Argh, whatever. That's when we decided we wanted to keep the glasses. Just to spite her. Also, Abs wanted them. It was Hoegaarden glasses. So we started to walk away.

We still wanted to chill somewhere, so we headed to Haagen Daaz. It was closed. So we headed to Coffee Bean. It was closed too. Then our last resort? Crystal Jade.

Outside of 7-11, we got stopped by one other waitress from Wala Wala. She wanted the glasses back. So yea, we parted with them. Sad really.. All that "trouble". Argh, nvm.. There'll be other times..

Jan was a sweetheart, by giving me a lift home. Well, her mom was the one who was driving, but yea..same thing.

I'm going TANNING tomorrow!! Woohoo!!

Hopefully, it doesn't rain. Oh please don't let it rain... Make it extra sunny, so that I'd be extra crispy!

The "meet-up" wasn't exactly what I had in mind, but yea, it's done.

Now I have second thoughts tho.. 

I'm nervous..  45 mins till he arrives..

Some guys from a class I walked past kept shouting "French Babe! French Babe!".  Sigh, kids...

I feel strange.  Talking to strange people, but yet, taking a chance.

Nat, please pray that everything goes well...

I want to club.

Syaz is finally back from her Canoe Polo Competition in JAPAN.  Seriously, girl, you get to travel while doing your favourite sport, what could be more perfect than that?  But anyway, I missed you sooo much.  You left me, stranded in school, for a week!  A WEEK!  So much has happened in a week!  But no worries, I'll fill you in with the details at lunch.

School's a bitch.  I had a meeting with the school board advisors today, and well, let's just say, I didn't expect the outcome.  I totally caved when they asked me why I had to work.  It's a touchy subject when it comes to talking abt my family's financial situation.  But like I said before, it's fine now.  I'm just trying to lighten my dad's burden.  And yea, I tend to get emotional when the subject comes up.  I quite don't know why.  Maybe 'coz I think it's a the sacrifice of my time and (maybe) study funds after poly.  I really haven't even decided if I want to further my studies though everyone encourages me to do so.  We'll just have to see..

I spent 2 hours after school today to research logos for my DPM - Design Promotional Materials project.  The theme?  'Clean and Green' campaign.

The other option's worse!!  'Uniquely Singapore'.  Bah..

C'mon..  Can't they have thought of anything better than that??  I mean, compare it to some other countries' slogan.  Like 'Malaysia, truly Asia' or 'Australia, a different light'.  But nooo...  'Uniquely Singapore'.  Eew..  The word "uniquely" already sounds...off.

So yea, 'Clean and Green'.  Right now, we have to design our own original logo.  I don't mind.  I hated the stupid 'Clean and Green' frog.  Now *that* was fucked up.  The whole ad campaign to that was lame.  Even as a primary school kid, I thought it was stupid.  C'mon...  The lame frog sings a lame tune and jumps into a dirty river.  Firstly, how many rivers does Singapore actually have??  I mean, really..  And also, why does the frog jump into the dirty river?  Just stay on the clean side la!  Or on the bank.  Or at the cartoonist's house.  I'm sure it's creator would glady adopt him.  Since he's so fuckin-damn lovable..

I'm not saying I can do any better, but they couldn't have possibly thought that people/kids would actually stop or even *try* to stop littering so that that damn frog can swim to the other side of the river do they???

Idiots.  All of 'em.

I'm almost done with IPD Proj 1.   Yes folks, the one that I *thought* I had gotten over and done with.  But noo..

So yea, finishing up on the report.  Unfortunately, my trusty printer ran out of coloured ink.  So I shall wait till my parents are awake to use my dad's printer instead.

I stayed up all night to finish this thing.  The "project manager" is sleeping.  I don't know why, but he keeps saying how much he's helped *me* with my part of the project, when I'm the one who ends up doing the presentation AND the report.  Yes, he did help in some parts, but his main duty was done mostly by me.  So yea, who's helping who now huh??

He keeps saying how little sleep he gets and yada yada yada.  But he doesn't realise, that on top of the 2-5 hours of sleep I get on weekdays, I work on Saturdays, and get up at 8am on Sundays.  Which leaves me sleepless most of the time, and unable to actually get out.

I've been sitting on my ass for far too long.  I went to get  a drink, and my knees hurt.  My eyes are probably going blinder and blinder by the moment from the constant stare at the computer screen.  Like I'm not blind enough already..

I feel so enclosed.  Like I've been locked up for days and days.  Well, yea, if you compare my social life a month back and now, the change is obvious.  I haven't seen my friends in weeks.  I mean, really *see* them see them.  I only got to spend a half hour with Sara and Diana after work on Saturday, before they had to leave for a party, while I had to head home and continue this endless journey called the IPD.

I know work's like that.  Hard.  But I didn't think it'll be this hard.  Maybe 'coz I haven't actually worked "hard" my whole poly life till now.  Heck, my whole school life till now.  The whole "try-to-make-my-parents-proud-by-doing-well" plan *had* to take place now...

Year 3 sucks.  And I'm going to live out 1 and a half years of it.  Great.

Humans make things complicated. But all I wanna do is relax and enjoy life to its fullest. Unfortunately, society doesn't allow that. Have to study, then work, then retire. So basically, the day we get to relax and enjoy life, is when we're 70.

Tired, tired, tired..

Must've gotten in about 5 thou today.  So many people were buying the pricer items, which is unusual for a Saturday.  Usually the serious buyers come on Mondays or Tuesdays.  Bah, doesn't matter, I'd still be earning the same amount.

I can't believe what come people do to their children.  Like today at work, a little girl, probably 3, just stood in one part of the shop crying.  And her parents didn't even care.  They just walked around the shop, browsing and just left her there.  Then when I saw her mom walking towards her, I thought she was going to make her stop, but no.  She just walked right past her and stood outside of the shop.  Just like that!  The dad did the same.  And both of them had this couldn't-care-less looks on their faces.  Wth??  Finally, the dad noticed me looking at them with this *disgusted* look on my face, combined with a *do-something* look, and he came and got her.  He apologised, and they left.  Really, parents these days..

No wonder kids are so screwed up. 

Please, please kill me..

I thought IPD project 1 was over. I was soo wrong..

My groupmate brought it back to life and it haunts me. Then he accuses me for not doing my work. Hello?? Practically the whole thing's MY work!!

There are 3 per group. So I'm paired with 2 other guys. One, does sloppy-shitty work, that in the end, I have to re-do. The other, blames me for not doing my job, and blames me for the other guy's shitty work. I do the research on the materials and the cost. Not as easy as you think. There are hundreds of different brands and models of everything. AND the prices are not always in Sing dollars, neither is it (sometimes) available in Singapore. I also have to make sure that all these equipments are compatible with one another.. On top of this, I have to design the presentation slides, edit their "Engrish", format the layouts, re-draw the maps, etc, etc. It's a whole lot of shit work that I'd been doing for a week and a half straight. And I thought it was all over.. But nooo...

Now he's doing it again. Accising me of not doing anything. He's the one who keeps changing his mind about everything.

Me: "Do you want this info?"
Him: "No, definitely don't need"
(10 mins later)
Him: "Actually, I think we need that info."
Me: "I already deleted it"
Him: "But we need it"
Me: "But you said we *definitely* don't need it"
Him: "Now we need it"

So then I go research all over again for that info. And this happens like 5 plus times. Argh, fucker.

I woke up early to go to work, but I couldn't in the end.  Why?  Something's wrong with my eye!! (And I didn't mean it to rhyme)

Maybe it's 'coz I cried my heart out last night.  To my lil' sis..  I know..  Isn't that odd..

My sis was being a brat the whole time, from when my dad picked her up from school, at dinner at IKEA, to home.  She kept putting me down.  She kept saying stuff like, "my friends don't think you're very pretty.." or, when I mentioned about a friend being in uni, "wah, your friend so *smart* ah?" (in a shmuck tone).. etc..  I was getting pissed, 'coz she does this *all* the time..

So finally I broke down in front of her..  It started off with me questioning her why she had to do that all the time..  I told her about my whole life: - the bullies (at school, at home), - backstabbing friends, - work (actual work, and school work), - having no time for "me", etc..

She finally understood what I was going through..  She cried with me..  We hugged, then stayed in the room till the traces of reddness from our faces faded, so that our parents wouldn't suspect a thing..

She finally understands my status in the family..  How I'm helping out financially by working, how I'm sacrificing alot of my time for school AND work.  How I'm going to sacrifice my Uni funds and maybe skip Uni, so that my dad can spend more funds on HER Uni.  How my dad's angry with me, how my mom's disappointed in me, and how my brother, after much bullying when I was younger, finally respects me.  Basically, she heard the hour long summary of my whole life.  How hard it was..  No one has heard the whole thing like that ever before.  Nobody.

I don't think I'll ever have a repeat episode anytime soon.  Maybe not ever..  It's just hard to talk about it sometimes..

People always think that I look like I've never been through any rough patches in my life.  Well, I have.  I'm not saying it's any harder than anyone elses.  It's just different.  I just hoped no one else went through the same thing.  It's an emotional toll to carry on your shoulders your whole life.  This might explain my contant self-conciousness.

I'm just so afraid my sister will make the same mistakes as I had.  It's was hard to live with a life like mine, but it'll be harder to see my sister go through the same thing.  I DON'T want her to go through what I did.  That's why I'm so worried.  But she has better street smarts than I have.  I taught her that.  Just that, now, I think she has abit too much for her sake.  But I think she can handle herself better in school, than I ever did.  My parents never taught me to defend myself.  And that's the mistake that will scar me, forever.

Now, I hope my sister remembers what I said.  Hopefully, her memory's not as bad as mine. 

Q: What's found in the tower of London?

A: The crown "Jewies"!!


-Courtesy of Yh

Yay!  I'm totally done with my projects.  Erm, well, for now anywayz..

Done my part for IPD, just have to wait for next Monday when we re-group and re-assign new phases of the project.  1 out of 4 projects for IPD already done, just 3 more..  Trying to "ta-han"..

As for DPM, ehh, still in the midst of work.  Not quite sure what our Promo's gonna be like.. Still in its early stages..

So I have this week to rest and relax..  Maybe I'll even play tennis this Friday since I've got  no school.  Or maybe do abit of shopping, heh..

Whatever it is..  I'm going to be enjoying some "me" time for a change..

Btw, HAPPY RACIAL HARMONY DAYEEE!!

2 projects down, 2 more to go.. 

I hate this workload.  It's stressful, and I hate being stressed.  I get enough of that at home - from my mom.

Today's oral + PowerPoint presentation went well.  I got damn "gan jiong" when my comp started showing the "low battery" warning, when we haven't even presented our slides yet.  We had 6 mins to send to an email, but I couldn't get into Hotmail..  So I panicked.  Then I asked a guy in front of me to lend us his laptop and infared our presentation there.  By then, my comp had already gone to "Critical" mode, and I was even more "gan jiong".  We did manage to transfer it tho, so all's well..

Our presentation was the best out of the lot I think.  No, I'm not trying to be ego here.  It's just..  Y'know how PowerPoint presentations shouldn't be too wordy?  Well, ours was exactly that.  Short points here and there, and we'd eleborate on it.  The other groups however, weren't that graceful.  They squeezed all the info they found from the net into those slides.  And the result?  Slide after slide of words from top to bottom.  It was excruciating to sit through I tell you.

One group was doing a presentation on "The Holocaust in World War II", and they got the Hitler's d-date wrong.  Hitler died AFTER the second World War.  I mean, duh, he was part of the second World War.  But they stated in the slides, that he died in 1903.  That's actually his father.   It's amazing how people can come back to life, try to take over the world, then be dead again.  Truly amazing..

And then the funny part came..  "The Jewies.."

Yes, you read right.  "The JewIES".  They spelt it right on the slides tho, "The Jews".  But they pronounced it as "The JewIES".  Yh, Matt and I couldn't resist.  Each time they mention "JEWIES", we'd snigger..  Then after countless "JEWIES", Matt and I couldn't take contain ourselves, and we laughed as soft as we could.  I even teared..

We laughed for a good 5 mins before we could calm ourselves down.  It was hard I tell you.  Really, really hard..

We felt bad after that, so we tried to make it seem like we were laughing at whatever was on my comp screen.  I don't think anyone bought into tho.  The guy in the front presenting, knew we were laughing at them.

Hey, it's not our fault it was funny.  "JewIES"..

 

What the hell happened to my "must" at the end of my last entry??
 
Is there something wrong with the pixels on my laptop?  Or does everyone see what I see?  *squints*
 
I have decided it's just Blogger.  Yes, blame everything on Blogger.

I should be sleeping right now (yes Yh, I know, presentation's in 9 hours), but I can't sleep.
 
I slept alot today.  I woke up at 1pm, then realising that it's too late to be going for my 1pm class, I stayed home.  I can't be late for class anymore.  It'll be my 3rd warning, afterwhich, I'd have to face the ECE board AGAIN.  No way am I going to do that..
 
I have class at 10am later..  So that's less than 5 hours of sleep.  But I can't bring myself to part from my laptop.  The thought of sleeping doesn't really sound all that great now that I've gotten back the sleep I've missed.
 
Discipline I guess..  Must.. must.. must...

FINALLY!!!  1 down, 3 more to go...
 
Projects ought to be buried 6-feet under..
 
I need some R&R soon.  Clubbing!  I need to dance my worries away.  Unfortunately, my Thursday 8am class prevents me from doing this.  Wait, just wait for 3 more weeks to pass.  Then I'd be able to club for 2 Weds before returning back to my school term.
 
My semester's resolution is to do my fucking best in all my modules.  I've already disappointed my dad by staying back another semester more than expected.  So yea, I'm going to prove to him that I can do it, IF I put my mind to it.  I can, just that I'm lazy..
 
I am able and capable..

I'm sssoooooo tired...
 
I did the IPD project at work today...  One of my teammates had to go to camp (yea, I know..camp??), so I had to finish the rest of the project on my own.  The *other* teammate is useless 'coz of his shoddy work, so it's all up to me.  Great. 
 
So I took my first look at the presentation slides, and I felt as though I'd been sucked through a portal to the 1990s.  The background was plain white.  All the headers were in those "WordArt" form, and the table's background colour was turquoise blue.  Eeek.
 
Who'd ever pay attention to that kinda work??  It's so shitty.  So basically, I'm not just correcting the grammer mistakes in the slides, I'm actually re-doing them.  Not totally.  He's got some info here and there.  Some, unnecessary, so were removed.  So the partially done slides, were cut down from his previous 18, to 15, as of now.  I've only managed to edit 5 slides so far at work.  It's kinda hard to do my project when I'm actually supposed to be working.  So yea, I don't know how I'm going to be able to complete everything by Monday mann...  So dead.

A good guy friend of mine just told me that he's just started going out with a girl whom I know through him.  I'm happy for him.  That he's going out with someone.  But I feel as though something in me just died.

Club-worthy song: "Move Your Body" by Nina Sky

Black and white M&Ms really do rock.  Somehow the B&W (plain) tastes better than the normal plain ones.  It's a little bigger too.  The B&W peanut version is weird tho.  It tastes the same as the normal peanut ones, but the sizes are so different.  Some all-round, some half a peanut, some normal.  And some of them have partial "m" prints on them, while some don't even have any "m"s.  I feel so cheated...

The Effects of Alcohol

If you have seen someone who has had too much to drink, you've probably noticed definite changes in that person's performance and behavior. The body responds to alcohol in stages, which correspond to an increase in BAC:

Euphoria (BAC = 0.03 to 0.12 percent)
They become more self-confident or daring.
Their attention span shortens.
They may look flushed.
Their judgement is not as good -- they may say the first thought that comes to mind, rather than an appropriate comment for the given situation.
They have trouble with fine movements, such as writing or signing their name.

Excitement (BAC = 0.09 to 0.25 percent)
They become sleepy.
They have trouble understanding or remembering things (even recent events).
They do not react to situations as quickly (if they spill a drink they may just stare at it).
Their body movements are uncoordinated.
They begin to lose their balance easily.
Their vision becomes blurry.
They may have trouble sensing things (hearing, tasting, feeling, etc.).

Confusion (BAC = 0.18 to 0.30 percent)
They are confused -- might not know where they are or what they are doing.
They are dizzy and may stagger.
They may be highly emotional -- aggressive, withdrawn or overly affectionate.
They cannot see clearly.
They are sleepy.
They have slurred speech.
They have uncoordinated movements (trouble catching an object thrown to them).
They may not feel pain as readily as a sober person.

Stupor (BAC = 0.25 to 0.4 percent)
They can barely move at all.
They cannot respond to stimuli.
They cannot stand or walk.
They may vomit.
They may lapse in and out of consciousness.

Coma (BAC = 0.35 to 0.50 percent)
They are unconscious.
Their reflexes are depressed (i.e. their pupils do not respond appropriately to changes in light).
They feel cool (lower-than-normal body temperature).
Their breathing is slower and more shallow.
Their heart rate may slow.
They may die.

Death (BAC more than 0.50 percent)
The person usually stops breathing and dies.

-howstuffworks.com
********************************************

I've experienced, I think all 'cept the last two. Tho I might have been in the Coma stage before. Or very close to it. It's realli scary shit, if you think about it.

I've been so busy the past few days, I hadn't even got the time to sleep. One hour of sleep is so much worse than no sleep at all - thrust me.

IPD is hard mann.. Yh, really, our syllabus is much harder than yours. We've got more aspects to cover than what you guys did during Summer School.

Speaking of which, I will be in Poly a semester longer than the norm of 3 years. It's confirmed. I dug my own grave. If I didn't work, and went for Summer school, I would've caught up and gone back to mainstream. Gawd, this sucks.

Projects are a bitch. I have 4 to do as of right now. Fucked up I tell you.

School is another bitch. I've been late for some classes, and so far, I've skipped 2 lectures and the teacher's following protocol. She's already made me sign 2 pledges. Another one, and I'll have to see the ECE board (again). This means getting debarred. And that's something I can't afford to do.

It isn't easy for me to get up super duper early for the 8am class on Thursdays. That's my whole problem - getting up. And that's why I've been missing my lectures - 'coz by the time I get up, it's 8am and by the time I reach school (taking into consideration, waiting time for the bus, and travelling time, and traffic conditions), it's 9.15am. I know, 'coz that's what happened today.

I'm so dead if this happens again next week, or the week after, or the week after that. Die la, die la...

"i became a botak 2rd day"

Haha...another Cheena moment..

So after asking my sis where my nail clipper was, and after much denial.. I left my room, and when I came back, my nail clipper suddenly appears outa nowhere, right next to my laptop. How convenient...

Still have the sore throat.

Honey-water doesn't work as great as they say it does. Coke does tho. For quite a while in fact.

It's strange. The whole afternoon, I tried drinking lots of water, but ended up drinking half a mug - which in my case, my mug = 1½ a normal mug quantity. In the end, I drank coke, 'coz my dad bought home Macs for lunch. McSpicy Double rocks. Soggy fries.. Ehh.. Not so much..

So yea, after the coke, my throat felt less sore and I could actually talk easily, for awhile. Now it's sore again, and not so capable of talking. I guess the rumour about coke being cough syrup last time maybe true. Hurray for me. Tomorrow, I'll go buy a 6-pack.

I don't know how I'm going to sing at Church tomorrow mann.. I'm seriously considering sitting at the back this time, and sitting out the whole of service. We usually sit at the center section, 4th/5th row from the front. I really hate being so close front, esp when I'm dead tired and the Pastor's sermon isn't as "interesting" as they plan it to be. I got caught for falling asleep once before remember? (Recall back to one of my previous Sunday entries) So yea, don't want that to happen again..

I was supposed to have met up with Nat today. Wanted to do abit of shopping, but in my condition, it's best to stay home awhile. Maybe tomorrow, if I feel better, I'd pop by town to do a bit of shopping. *IF* I feel better.. Not so sore in the throat. Kinda hard to ask for help with the sizes if I can't speak now can I?

I'm going to have Pepsi Twist a try now, to see if that works too. 'Coz.. That's all that we have in the house right now.. Pathetic, I know..

I'm losing my voice. Great.

First, the flu, then fever, then flu again, then getting better, then flu *again*. Now, losing voice AND flu. Isn't life just grand?

My sister... She did this to me. She *knew* I'd be cold if she adjusted the aircon temperature. And she did just that. From our usual (very comfortable) 28 deg, she changed it to 26!! I woke up, sneezing my ass off, and sicker than usual.

But what to do? It's all over and done with. Now, I just hope this honey-water mix is as effective as they say it is. Tho I can't taste it anymore. I just sneezed and now I can't taste a thing. Wtf?? My senses have gone haywire. And my left ear can't pop. Grreatt..

I told my friend about my "situation", and he asked if I had a "soar throat". Yea, sore as "soar". Then I told my *other* friend what this friend said, and he said this, "up in the sky, oh so high, like a motherfuckin butterfly". Hahahaha.. Quote of the day folks!

I had a dream just now.
My brother said to me, "You're getting fat..".

In reality, my family members say this to me.

Mom: "You're getting fatter and fatter.."

Brother: "You're getting fat girl.."

Dad: "You're getting big-sized.."

Lil' sis: "You're really getting fat jie.."

What kinda people do I have around me?? I mean, really. My self-confidence level is about a tad-high. The more times they say I'm fat, the lower the level gets. It's not helping y'know? I mean, yea, I do have those "fat" days. But when I feel fine, that's when I feel the most confident, but nooo, they have to drag that all down.

Plus, the other night, my mom told me this. "If you get any bigger, no one will want you." Wow... This, coming from a person twice my size. "I used to be 45kg when I was your age..". Where's the sense in that?? I'm waay taller than her, of course I *have* to be heavier right? If I were 45kg and at my height, I'd be waay underweight. My parents really can't make up their minds. First, at primary school age, they said I was too skinny/scrawny/boney. Now, they say I'm fat.

And my dad's another one. After my mom commented about no one wanting me if I was bigger, my dad backed that up. What kinda parents do I have??? Stereotyping against fat people!! C'mon.. Yes, I would be less attractive if I were any bigger - I agree. But what they meant, was that fat people will never marry, and will alone for the rest of their lives. What role models, really..

I can't believe these are the people who raised me. No wonder I'm so screwed up. One moment, they're telling me not to stereotype against people different from me, and the other moment, they say things like "fat people will be alone, forever and ever.". Wtf.

My parents want me to be some famous celebrity, my brother never wants me to outshine him, and my sister just wants to one-up me. This is really screwed up mann.. Really, just kill me, kill me now..

My dad is waayy pissed.

I had scheduled another meeting with the teachers today, regarding me graduating in 3 years instead of an extra 1/2 year more. But time and time again, we had to reschedule. Teacher's fault actually. Like, today.. We're supposed to meet up at 10am. But I called the teacher's desk at 9:50am from home, to check if he was around. No answer. So now my dad's pissed.

I'm kinda upset in a way too. I mean, this is my school life on the line here, and the teacher's aren't helping. I think they just want the extra income that comes with me staying another semester. Fuckers.

I'm feeling much better today. MUCH better. I still have the sniffles, but my fever's gone - thank God. I really prayed before I slept last night. Really. I think prayers do work. Okay, maybe 'coz so far most of my prayers have been answered, so yea, I'm biased.

I'm still in God's debt tho. Remember the promise that I made if he passed me in MPI? Yea, *that* one. So yea, I still go to Church. I have to. I made a promise.

Plus, he'd probably strike me down with lightning if I don't keep my end of the bargain. So yea, just to play it safe.

Did anyone get the licence plate off that truck??

I feel as tho I was run over by one. Again, and again, and again.

I have this migrain that wouldn't go away. My throat's sore, and (I'm sure) swelled up. I feel hot then cold, then hot then cold, then hot then cold all over again. I hate being sick.

Right now, I'm missing out on Shup's birthday celebration at Zouk. I already missed a whole day of school, and was stuck at home, glued to the coach, watching tv. No, it isn't as great as it sounds. Really.. I felt so weak and so sickly. I wanted to eat everything in the fridge.

I'm in absolute hell. On top of this, I have class at 8am later on. PERFECT!

25 viruses were just found in my computer. How fucking awesome.

I think I still have a few more bugs in this ol' thing, but argh, can't be bothered to do anything about it.

Btw, any of you know of any fast remedies for colds/flu? Chicken soup helps for a short period of time. I need a longer lasting one. So if ya'll know of anything, please feel free to leave a msg on my tagboard. Thanks.

I really don't think a guy should say "sweet dreams" to a girl unless they're really good friends, or maybe (to a certain extend) interested. It just sounds weird - y'know? I don't know, maybe it's just me.

Great. I think I'm falling ill.

It's either a cold, or the flu. Great. I hate getting sick, being sick, and trying to get well again. It's such a chore. And the feeling - ugh.

I don't get sick very often. But I guess with my new diet and having my period and all, has weaken my immune system. Fuck.

Diet-shmiet. I ate 3 slices of the Boston Special 12" pizza from Rocky's and 4 mozerella cheese sticks - yum. All at 6pm, an hour and a half earlier than normal dinner time. After that, I went straight to bed. I was full beyond full. Even now, at 3am, I'm *still* full. This is no good people. Bloated and sick. Ugh.

I should drink soup. Chicken soup's good. But nah, maybe tomorrow afternoon after school. Chicken soup soothes the soul.. Pfft, right. Just a year ago, that's exactly what I said about alcohol.

Argh, they're the same thing.

I've got new shoes.

I was going to get these really wicked Adidas ones, but I hated the base of the shoe. It was 3/4 of an inch thick. Pfft, like I really need the height. So then I went to the Converse shop. This was at Queensway btw. I figured, if anyone wanted to get shoes, that's where to head. They've got practically every kind of sneakers/dunks/soccer shoes there. And in every kinda brand too. I really didn't think I'd buy a Converse today. 'Coz I'd already been at the outlet in Heeren on Friday, and I didn't like anything I saw. But the Queensway outlet was really stocked I tell you. Or maybe it just seemed that way. It's like, y'know how stores usually display ONE side of the shoe? This one showed one side on one side of a rack, and the same exact shoe on the other side. Plus, every normal sneaker had the high-cut versions.

I was sooo tempted to buy one of the high-cut ones. It was damn funky mann.. But no, I bought the normal cut. It's the one with the Converse motifs. The high-cut version was just as nice, but I hated the big Converse logo on the side. Like the motif hadn't had enough "Converse" words already.

So yes, ladies and gents, I have new shoes. You should've seen my old "footloose-Converse-lookalike" ones. It's in such a pathetic state, you wouldn't even think it's useable! It kinda isn't, so that's actually the whole point of getting a new pair. I so need another pair soon tho. Maybe I'll get the high-cut ones. I'll have to ask my dad for another sponsor tho, heh.

I've been sleeping for 8 hours, till now. I was dead tired today, but I still went to Chruch. Then to my Grandma's. Then to my Aunt's place for tea. Then to Queensway. Then home. I wanted to sleep right away, but it was 6pm, so I caught 'The Gilmore Girls' first, ate alittle bit (ok, half!) a Whopper, some fries, some onion rings, drank some coke, THEN went to to sleep. Damn, I didn't know a Whopper was that huge and was so damn good.

Omg, at my Aunt's place, my other Aunt (her sister, and my dad's sister - basically, they're all related) came to visit as well. And she brought home-made pineapple tarts. Oh-*MY*-God. It was to die for. It just melted in my mouth. The pastry was so light and fluffy, the butter taste was there, and the pineapple... Oh-my-God. Your God too.

She was such a dear - my Aunt. She brought 3 boxes of her delectable tarts, and she gave the biggest box to my family - 'coz we had 5 members. So then, my brother started off the box, then me. It was *the* most sinful thing. We could not stop after that. The 2 layers of tarts, slowly became one. Then it became hollow in the middle of the box, leaving only a ring of them left. We didn't bring the rest home. Pointless really. 'Coz we know it wouldn't be enough. Plus, I *shouldn't* eat any more. IT'S THE DEVIL! THE DEVIL I TELL YOU!!

I'm a big fan of pineapple tarts. And I've always thought my Grandma's was the best around. But now, she has a real big competition. I really can't judge who's really better. It's just different. But both are tops mann... Gawd, but really. I *could not* stop eating my Aunt's tarts. It was so additive. You can't even imagine what ya'll are missing. Really.. You just can't.

Great. My diet has been broken. And I've been doing so damn well. Okay, yea I know, what diet?? Hey, I've really been cutting down y'know? But I think everything came back after the tart incident. Sigh, back to square one tomorrow I guess.

Dang-damnit.

Mmm... The satisfaction of a good snack.

"he can't differentiate "then" and "than". and pural of "man" is "men" and not "mans"."

Haha...Cheena people..

I saw my classmate at the bus stop. He was with his girlfriend or maybe even his sister, but he knew I was there. I didn't exactly smile, neither did I go over to say hi, but I gave him a nod. Yea, nod. It's a silent "hey" nod. Understood.

He didn't even acknowledge me. I guess he's still mad. Pfft, whatever. But it was obvious he knew I was there. He was standing in the middle of the bus stop, then he moved to the side. He was looking towards the oncoming bus direction while his girlfriend or sister was standing perpendicular towards him. I could so tell he was talking about me, 'coz silly enough, she looked at me. Then I read her lips, saying - "She looks fierce". Pfft.

Anyway, I went to town after class. Did some shopping. Not very productive, but I did get a pair of jeans. Better than nothing aye?

Then I decided to drop by Nat's new work place. I hadn't seen her in ages. We talked for abit, then planned to meet after her shift. I went on to meet Sid and Diana at MOS burger, then went to meet Nat at Heeren. We caught up on things. I couldn't quite remember everything I wanted to tell her, but I think I'd mentioned a few major issues. She's my personal advisor. She helps me with my problems - help me sort out stuff, even though the answers are obvious (Madd, you'll know what I mean).

And now that she's graduated, Syaz has taken over on advising me whilst in school. Mann, I seriously need help. I'm like a ticking bomb - all about to explode. You might not understand what kinda problems I go through. I am, afterall, just 19 - a teen. All I have to worry is doing well in school. Mann, there's so much more than that.

I think I'd need a psychiatrist when I'm older. Really. I don't think I can go a week without breaking down, if I don't talk to someone about it. I've tried keeping it in. I didn't last 2 days.

I might seem like the kinda person who has just about everything. But sometimes, everything comes with every problem. Trivial really. It's nothing like 'world hunger' or 'war'. It's not problems like those. But that doesn't mean it isn't important. It's just different. It's hard, but a different kinda hard.

I am thankful that my dad's financial problems have been somewhat "resolved". There has been a temporary solution. This, is one of my problems. I need to make more money to help my dad. It's under control now - the financial problem, but it's still there. My brother's not doing anything to help, so it's all up to me.

Another problem, is school. Not the timetable shit. It's my graduation. My dad's mad at me 'coz I won't be able to graduate in 3 years as planned. I need another half a year. Long story.

This is just the tip of the ice berg. There're so many more to cover, but too little time to list 'em out. I guess you just have to be me to understand. Tho really, I wouldn't recommend it.

So I've decided. If they really want to, I'd consent to Friday's lesson moving to Monday.

No, it wasn't from the pressure from that one classmate. Some others have come up to me to reconsider. If they really want it that badly, fine. I guess I'll try harder to wake up. But if worst comes to worst, I'd just get debarred. Or quit school before they do so. Don't know. I'll see...

But I'll talk to some of the girls from class tomorrow, and then I'll make my final decision. One thing's for sure though. I'll never speak to that guy ever again. He stooped too low trying to manipulate me. It's sad really. It just shows what kinda person he really is. Scum.

I really caught some shut eye just now. It wasn't even planned. I just konked out on my sofa while watching tv. I didn't even feel myself go. I must've been that tired.

Slept from 6:30pm till 11pm. With 2 hours of sleep the night before ('coz of class at 8AM!!), I must've been exhausted. Waking up this morning was absolute torture I tell you. My eyes couldn't even open. I even woke up late and had to take a cab to school. I reached class 45 mins late. Lecturer let me off with a warning. But now that (most probably) the lesson won't be changed, I'd be doing this everyweek. Gawd...

Clubbing's so out this semester. Damn, I had my hopes up.